Resisting the Magnetic Pull of Misery and Suffering In Order to Enjoy the Abundant Life

“Why is the pain and misery back? I did all the work in your Surviving to Thriving workshop about 8 years ago. Things went well for a while. But now it’s back. What am I supposed to do? I cannot tell you how much I hate this!”

I leaned in with understanding and resisted any urge to say… “Just do the same thing you did the first time! It worked then…it’ll work again!”

It wasn’t hard to resist because I totally understood. It reminded me of all the people that come to me for weight loss. They’d tried various programs and had success in all of them. But, when they gained the weight back, they settled and said the programs didn’t work.

The truth is…none of us wants to have to do the same journey again. Whether it’s weight loss or resisting the victimhood of misery and suffering.

I will share with you what I shared with my client. “This is not an indication that you’ve failed!”


Whether it’s weight loss or some other area of life that cause misery and suffering to haunt you, the challenge is…that it requires ongoing work, in order, to keep the things we had to work to obtain. It’s the work, the maintaining, that keeps us moving towards the goals we set for ourselves.

You see, our brains were not built for a natural carefree just enjoy the pleasures of life kind of state. They were built and developed for our survival.

So, when we give our destiny no maintenance and/or re-programming, life becomes everyone’s survival drill…on repeat. We become the star of our own daily Groundhog Day movie. Where the plot stays ‘good enough’ and we’re good, that nothing’s going to change, our ‘good enough’ storyline that we’re good with.

Then before we know it, weariness turns the extra time we have after our regular j-o-b is done into an excusable reason to just chill.

When we know these are times, we must utilize to create the hope we long for to reach our dreams. Only extra effort in our spare moments, can break the cycle of misery and suffering’s mantra over our longing to become that Champion within.   

Therefore, unless you program it differently, your soul/brain will be scanning the horizon for simple guidelines on how to ‘just’ survive.

Which is a guarantee that the unfulfillment misery and suffering bring, will continue to control, and write your life’s story; in black and white, not in beautiful mosaic colors.

This sets you up for fellowshipping with these dream killers. Misery and suffering’s dwelling place! They mute the Champion call and take residence in us! Keeping us in survival mode and in a daily progression towards weariness…which always ends in stall mode and chill out excuses.  

Survival is the call to a life of mediocrity! At best!

But the Champion life, is us answering that unsettling pull and feeling inside that just won’t go away. The longing that says we were meant for something different, something more, something better. That our gifts can help to make a difference…BE the difference!  

Yes, our daily energies are programmed to shift into survival mode. So, weariness is normal.

But Champions (those who break the cycle of ‘misery/suffering victimhood’) never allow this weariness, to become their daily ‘I’m too tired’ excuse to chill out and burn up valuable time on the path to the abundant life.

As someone has artfully said, “Time is the one and only thing we can never get back.”


What’s the difference between you/me/us and those who find the path to their Champion life of abundance?

They fill every extra free moment of time, with the work/preparation/wisdom needed to find that next step towards the life they dream of living! Not 10 steps just the next step! To where their gifts find, develop, gain purpose!

They understand the value of time.     

In my mid-20s, I was on staff at Church On The Rock in Rockwall, Texas. It’s where most of my spiritual growth occurred.

I remember my pastor speaking about when Jesus had been ministering, and he told the disciples to get in the boat so they could go to the other side.

Jesus was weary from the ministry time and was lying down in the boat resting. When suddenly, the Bible says, a huge storm came, and the disciples became very worried. They woke up Jesus and asked him if he cared that they were all about to die.

Jesus basically told them that they only thought they were going to die because they were ‘fellowshipping’ with the storm, instead of meditating on what he’d said…which was they were going to the other side.

In short, when God declares a destination…we WILL get there…storms and all!

I was a graduate school student at the time, and I was learning in my neuropsychology classes that our brains pay attention to what they think we need and should to take care of to survive.

I learned a powerful truth that’s helped me through the years…what we fellowship with becomes our focus. And our brains are designed to help us pay attention to danger. So survival was pre-programmed into our first tier of thinking.

But we can choose what we pay attention to. What does fellowshipping mean?  It means to spend time with, to have conversation with, to attempt to get to know the person or situation better.

If we’re not careful…pain, disappointment, misery, and suffering or any other undesired state that chases off the abundant life, may ring our inner doorbell. And if we are not paying attention and are just drifting, we’ll begin fellowshipping with it and retreat into survival thinking.

Because of that, when I understood how to remove and evict misery and suffering from my life, I knew that I had to be very intentional about what I focused on and invited into my life.

If I was not going to be intentional, my brain could lead me to fellowshipping with the misery and suffering or poor me. Then that alone would declare and dictate ‘my state’ of being.

I continued with my client: “Let’s walk you through the original process of evicting suffering and misery again, which this time should only take 15 to 20 minutes. Then let’s make sure that your insurance policy is in place to ignore the magnetic pull of misery and suffering.”

“That sounds like sweet music to my ears,” my client proclaimed. The desperation in her eyes was replaced by a flicker of hope.

(I hope that’s the case for you too. If you missed what I wrote about evicting the misery and suffering, click on this link to do those steps first.

Then get ready. Because these are the things that Champions do daily, to protect their pursuit of the abundant life from the magnetic pull of misery and suffering.

Are you ready? 

1.  Follow the 90 second rule …  no matter what!

Difficult things happen to all of us.

Life produces challenges.

The news media invites misery and suffering.

Social media can be upsetting.

People will be people.

Stuff happens!

What I would love to say is…avoid all difficult people, avoid all negative news, avoid anything that would cause you to feel anything but spectacular! But that’s not a life. Certainly not an abundant life!

My client had a visceral reaction to that and said, “When I first started noticing the suffering and misery reappearing, I actually tried that…isolating myself. Then I fell into a depression. And to be honest with you, I was feeling pretty hopeless.”

I could see she had been very troubled by this.

She continued, “But I’ll tell you this…once you’ve experienced a tinge of the abundant life, that fulfillment feeling of just being/just living…it’s even worse!”

I nodded in agreement.

We cannot live in a bubble because that’s certainly not an abundant life. Instead, let me explain the science behind the 90 second rule.

Anytime we hear disappointing news, become upset, or lose our peace… Neuropsychology has revealed that our brain waves and our heart waves become out of sync with each other. 

Our brain releases huge dumps of stress hormones in response to negative, disappointing, hurtful, disturbing things.

Whether we…

Experience them.

Hear them.

Read about them.

The brain and heart waves, being out of sync, are a natural response to the stress hormone released by the negative imputes I just mentioned. That throws us into fight or flight mode. It happens to all of us multiple times daily.

Most of us just deal with it. Or again…grab some caffeine. Or smoke a cigarette, cigar, or a doobie. Or take a Xanax. Some people deal with it in more healthy ways, like dropping down for 20 push-ups, going for a short, brisk walk or run.

But there IS a better way.

(My client laughed as she shared how she’d tried to go on short runs at her office. But she was sure it was quite a sight in her high heels!?)

At those moments, if we ‘pause’ the disappointment, stress, feelings, anger or whatever other versions of misery and suffering we’re experiencing, and within 90 seconds…we can turn it around in 3 minutes.

Scientists have known for years that bringing the heart and brain waves back into sync was the key. However, all attempts at producing a medication to accomplish this, have failed. 

When we are grateful, fear disappears…and abundance…appears!”

 Tony Robbins

Neurobiologists have discovered if you catch the anger, angst, hurt, disappointment, stress within the first 90 seconds, that just 3 minutes of gratitude will bring your heart and brain waves back into sync, evicting the poor me of misery and suffering and returning you to your abundant life state.

For some reason, people often assume that I’m suggesting that they practice gratitude or give thanks for the stress, anger, angst, misery suffering, etc. Far from it!

But I am suggesting you find something you’re grateful for.

Sometimes you must reach way back to identify ‘that’ something. 

It’s most effective if you choose one thing.

Begin to focus on that one thing.

Then take yourself back to that moment.

How? By remembering…

  • Where you were?
  • What the sounds were?
  • What happened?
  • How you felt?
  • Who was there?
  • What made that moment special?

Stay with that moment 3 minutes. Your heart and brain waves will be back in sync.  

“Oh my gosh! That’s so awesome! Does it really work,” my client inquired?

“Well…let’s try it and put it to the test,” I suggested with delight!

 I had her close her eyes and walk through it with me.

First, I asked her what the weight of misery and suffering felt like.

You could see her shoulders collapse and her breathing became shallow and labored.

I continued.

“Now…close your eyes…and do your best to remember something that you are grateful for, no matter how long ago. And let me know when you’ve identified it.”

It was obvious she was pondering, but in just a matter of moments a calm smile warmed her face as she responded, “When I visited the orphanage in Guatemala.”

Then I said, “I want you to go there in your mind, as if you were there again. Then describe the orphanage to me.”

I could tell by her body language this was a happy place for her. She continued.

“There were brilliantly colored, beautiful Bougainvillea vines growing all over the arch at the entrance.”

Her slight smile made her recollections even more real and endearing.

“You walked inside, and it smelled fresh like Pine-Sol. But, with no strain to the smell. You could hear kids laughing. I could hear some singing.

You could hear clapping.”

“How beautiful,” I responded! “Then as you walked in further, what happened?” I waited.

“Then, a sweet older lady that was with them said something to them in Spanish. Our interpreter told us that she was inviting them to welcome the guests.”

“Then, what did you see and experience?”

“Before I knew it, a little girl, Marinda (who I learned later was 4 years old) wrapped her arms around my leg and reached up to me.”

She was a bit emotional but was able to continue.

“I picked her up, and something extraordinary happened internally. I thought we’d come to bless them! But I think it was the most precious moment of my life!”

I slowly and quietly asked, “Can you speak aloud about your gratitude for that moment?”

Without a pause, she replied, “I was grateful that this little girl that had no mom, no dad was happier than many of the kids I know here in the states.  Her undeniable joy and excitement infiltrated my soul! I was grateful for her life there, and I was grateful for the day that I got to spend with her. I go back every year now and every year she’s waiting for me! I am so grateful for her!”

I invited her to take a deep breath and open her eyes and then asked her how she felt?

With tears in her eyes, accompanied by an expression of pure gratefulness she responded spontaneously, “It’s back! That abundant life state of being-is back…here!” 

I knew it would work!

It’s inevitable!

Proven by science!

It will work for you too!

Practice the 90 second rule-faithfully! That, along with gratitude, will always protect the abundant life state of being and send misery and suffering to the depths of the abyss where they belong!

2. Use your mornings and evenings powerfully.

“So, I guess you’re going to tell me not to get up after hitting the snooze three times and start rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off?”

We both had a laugh as I said, “Well, that’s not exactly what I was going to say. But I guess it kind of goes along with it!”

We both laughed again. And by the way, laughter is good medicine…I try to laugh in every session!

Science has revealed that there are 2 times daily, when the door between our conscious mind and unconscious mind are wide open.

As we fall asleep, our brains go from…

Beta (waves in our brains that help our activity, our concentration, etc) to…

Alpha (waves that are relaxing, with eyes closed, but not asleep) to …

Theta (waves that create drowsiness similar to a hypnotic state) to …

Delta (waves associated with REM and deep sleep).

Then as we wake up, we go from…

Delta to …

Theta to …

Alpha to …


As we progress through these stages, we literally are tabula rasa (meaning our brains are wide open to whatever we would like to deposit) our brains are a blank slate, a whiteboard we can fill!

As the brain waves work through these stages, the door is wide open between our brain/heart/soul/spirit…think about that…wide open!!

It’s why it’s highly recommended that you do not immediately

  • Turn on the news or pick up your cell phone
  • When you awaken in the morning.
  • Or when you’re falling asleep at night.

“So, help me understand what this has to do with misery and suffering…or the abundant life,” my client said wanting to ‘get it’!

“What a great question,” I responded!

“Your state for each new day is very deep in your unconscious. When we reach for our phones or turn on the news, we’re no longer in control of our state, our mood, or really anything else!”

My client abruptly said, “I’d give anything to feel better! Have better days! But is it necessary for me to stop picking up my cell phone or flipping on the news?! I mean…I want to know what’s going on in the world. And I’ve got to look at my schedule for the day.”

With a slight chuckle I responded, “Changing any of that is not ‘really necessary’…unless…you want to live an abundant life.”

I was grinning and she got it!

She responded, “DUH!”  

We both laughed!

And it’s not unusual at all for people to want the abundant life without doing the things necessary to have it! But I know that you’ll be different! How do I know?

Because all who desire a Champion’s life of purposeful abundance remain coachable and deeply desire to create a rich, fulfilling life that they can share with others! Then help them to find it for themselves!

What we focus on, what we do in those ‘sacred/life-charting’ moments, just before falling asleep, and just before waking up, really has more control over our daily lives than we might like to acknowledge. And therefore, they can set the course for our destiny.

Failure to embrace and use those moments wisely causes us to drift to destinations we would not have otherwise chosen! Purpose takes second place.

Research has shown these to be the most critical times.

  • To make life changes.
  • To encourage ourselves.
  • To change directions.
  • To set sail to fulfilling dreams.
  • To determine the outcomes of our ‘every day’.
  • Which means we are now in charge of our lives.
  • And therefore, our destinies!


Do you believe me!?

Do you believe what I’m sharing!?

Do you believe this science!?

That I know the science?

Do you really WANT to change your life!?

Do you WANT purposeful abundance!?

Do you believe there’s a Champion in you!?

Do you truly believe and feel there’s

something unique left for you to pursue?

IF you’re all in… then

I’m handing you a blank check

for YOU to acquire…

ALL you’ll ever need…To find it!

Now…Back to the script.)

“Ok…I get it! Can you give me suggestions of what to do first thing in the morning and during my falling asleep time at night.”

“There are many things to choose from…

  • Gratitude. (my favorite for journaling just before I go to sleep and focusing on what I am grateful for as I fall asleep)
  • Listening to something inspirational.
  • Reviewing goals and dreams.
  • Power words.
  • Power proclamation.
  • Prayer.
  • Meditation.”

My client noted, “I’ve noticed when I fall asleep listening to soothing music or something quietly inspirational, I wake up much more refreshed… regardless of how many hours I sleep.”

She paused to gather her thoughts and went on, “I’m wondering if you had us saying our power proclamations, our power words, and our goals out loud each morning during the Surviving to Thriving workshop, for that reason?”

“Exactly,” I responded with great enthusiasm!

I continued.

“And in almost every program, I encourage this. It’s one of the most effective ways to take advantage of our unconscious mind being open to our conscious mind. When that door is open…soul magic happens and desire fuel is generated by our own truth!” 

We both looked at each other sensing it was her turn to respond.

“So, I’m sure you’re saying when I hit the clock for another snooze and then get up moaning and groaning about my day…it’s a pretty good invitation for misery and suffering to accompany me all day.”

With a big grin and nod I affirmed her observation and said, “Actually I don’t think I could have said it more eloquently myself!”

What are you doing first thing in the morning?

When you’re dozing off to sleep at night?

The science is in.

These simple moments SET the tone

for your sleep…AND… your day!

-Do you really want to give control of your day to social media?

-Do you really want FOX, CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC etc. to establish

the mental tone of your day?

-Do you want to fill your day with network moaning and groaning

looping inside you?

-Do you really want to download misery and suffering’s victim babble

and have it playing in you throughout your day?

I. Didn’t. Think. So.

Make a firm decision about how to spend those priceless life altering bits of time. (First things in morning/Last things at night) Harness the power of setting the rudder of your life toward abundant living, processing, and purpose! 

3. Remember: Gi/GO or ii/iO!

My client asked, “I’m very familiar with garbage in, garbage out. But what does ‘triple i dash O’ mean?”

I responded, “Yes. We’re all familiar with garbage in/garbage out. The phrase traces back to 1957 and was used in a news report in the Victoria Times just 3 months ago. Regardless of what it’s pointing to, it indicates that what you put in…is what comes out.”

I continued.

“When we feed on news, media, social media, horror stories, gossip, or any other thing that creates an entre for misery and suffering, how can we expect ‘abundant life’ to be our outcome? Those sources sell drama, and WE buy it.”

(I’m not saying you can never hear, read, or see anything negative. The question is, “What proportion of healthy investments to negative, are you making for your mind, heart, soul, spirit?”)

Before I had a chance to ask, my client confessed with a bit of a tucked head, “Well, between my negative thoughts, my negative self-talk, the news that I always have running in the background, the social media I’m devoted to on my breaks…I guess it’s about 85% garbage in, 15% good in.”

I said, “That’s where the ‘triple ‘i’ dash ‘O’ comes in. You get to fill in the blanks for yourself                       in/                      out.”

I paused then I explained, “This year, my power word is INSPIRE. I want to be inspired and have that cup running over so that I can inspire others. So … for me, it’s inspiration in/inspiration out. But you get to choose your own. It doesn’t have to be ‘triple ‘i’ dash ‘O’.”

It could be goodwill in/ goodwill out.

It could be great influence in/ great influence out.

It could be laser focus in/ laser focus out.

She pondered a bit before responding, “Well, even though I haven’t been using it, I did choose my power word for this year. It’s FAITH.  So, I guess mine should be faith in/ faith out!”

“Love that…It fits you well,” I said!

I continued, “So the real key is to monitor the proportion of faith, and other good things that go in, because that same proportion of faith that goes in, comes out.”

“Is there an ideal proportion,” she asked?

“Well,” I said. “It’s impossible for it to be 100% faith, and 0% garbage. But what would you like for it to be?”

“Is 70% faith and 30% other good reasonable,” she asked?

“Well in comparison to the 85% garbage you confessed to earlier, I think it sets up a great improvement! Not just for you. But for those around you who’ll be inspired by you practicing faith.”

What about you?

Let’s get honest.

If you review your days, what percentage of garbage goes in?

What would you prefer your percentage of good things in, to be? 

The percentage of you living your abundant life will be in direct proportion to the good that goes in. I know this is not a huge complex conclusion, but, it IS the beginning truth that’ll begin to change your state, how you view the world, and the building of ‘will-power’ into your desire, for the life you long to live.


We worked through my client’s eviction process (the getting rid of the misery and suffering) at the end of her first session.

Just a week later, she came back with the bounce in her step and the gleam in her eyes that I remembered when she attended my workshop years ago.

With excited resolve she shared, “I practiced the 90 second rule. I used those critical times daily before going to sleep and right after waking up to program ‘good things’ in my heart. And I exceeded implemented my 75% ‘faith in/ faith out’ process!”

Then pausing she said, “Abundant life is everywhere I look!”

She said she wanted to take her life to a whole new level and get certified as a Master Coach in my Coach Training & Certification program… “I want to make a difference. I believe I can. People need to know these things! And I want to carry the message. We ALL can have an abundant life!”

If you struggle holding onto the abundant life, don’t be hard on yourself. 

It’s as the ancient proverb declares, “Commit your works/your efforts/your resolve to God…AND your THOUGHTS (your brain/mind/soul) will be established.”

Like my client, just understand that there are some things we must do to keep the abundant life protected.

Do these things daily and there’ll be no doubt that the abundant life will be chasing you down. Positive healthy ‘thought-habits’ will/can create desire and Champion resolve in all of us!

And Proverbs also declares, “As a person thinks-so are they!”

You deserve the abundant life.

Sometimes these things are so simple that people put them in the “not that important” category. My hopes and prayers are that you’ll not place your life, your dreams, your hopes in the “not so important” category by not using these simple truths that I know and that I’ve seen move mountains.  

For it’s your daily insurance policy to protect you from the weariness of misery and suffering…And to roll out the welcome mat to transforming life habits that pave the way to the abundance!

Hear this ancient truth from Paul’s letter written to the Romans, “You will be ‘transformed’ by the daily renewing of your mind.”

You/me/we have the transformational power within us and the science now to help us, gift ourselves with an abundant life!

Calling all Champions…let’s do this!!

High-5’s, Big Hugs and Huge Well Wishes!