“I’ve worked my *ss off! I resurrected my Champion. It’s been everything you said it would be and more for me. AND… we did it as a Life Group…I led it!?”
I couldn’t help but beam as I heard him speak.
“My business took off after years of struggling. My wife and I got closer than I ever even knew to hope for. My kids are thriving, which is what I wanted for them more than anything. AND… I’m in the best shape of my life!”
I wasn’t sure why his tone of voice changed from jubilant to downcast in a heartbeat, and why the pause, but I waited curiously and compassionately.
Finally, he looked up with the saddest look I’d seen in quite some time. “Well…then life ‘happened’! I failed! I’ve made a mess of it. I’m nothing but a fraud and a failure!”
I nodded and waited.
Life had indeed happened
- A blast from the past had challenged his marriage deeply
- His business had hit a rough snag and tanked their finances
- He was experiencing one health challenge after the other
- And there was more
Then, the real questions came.
“What the h*ll? Did all of this just chase my Champion off? Or was it just luck that things came together when they did? Or wait…maybe I just failed and I never ‘really’ resurrected anything? And what do I do now other than acknowledge that failure has found me out?” He asked with a sincere, deep desperation.
Because it resonated with me of so many things that people have asked over the past number of weeks, I thought I’d share the answer to a few questions like,
- How do I know I’ve resurrected my Champion?
- What does it mean when I feel I’ve been set back?
- Have I lost the Champion spirit all together?
The short answer is this:
Unless there’s been severe trauma or hurtful experiences, once you’ve resurrected that Champion spirit in you, that wonderful curious part in us that’s still wanting, waiting to learn, to grow, to reach, to achieve … never ever leaves. But the Champion spirit lives and dies by our desire to live with a clear, healthy, and focused mindset.
And even if it’s been buried by new trauma or hurt, you already know how to dig through the layers. (If you’ve missed the steps for doing this, you can click here and read the progression of my blogs beginning July 24, 2022).
Call it what it is. A setback. And life’s challenges have no ending! Life does happen, and never makes an appointment. Your Champion is alive and well! But just clouded or pushed back down by any grey style mindset.
One of the final pieces that I help people with … once they’ve resurrected their Champion, is choosing, and installing a new mindset.
I’ve gathered data for many years from Champions who’ve not only resurrected this never die spirit, but who’ve installed a new Champion style mindset. Here’s my paraphrased version of the Webster Dictionary’s definition of “mindset” … I think you’ll like it.
“An inclination or fixed state of mind and/or outlook on life”
I love what the ancient proverb declares too!
“As a person’s thinks (mindset) so ARE they.” Changing our mindset worked yesterday, works now, works in all our tomorrows.
Although I’ve never heard any well thought out mindsets that were not also awesome, I’ve chosen the Champion mindset of 5 people who’ve been the most successful in, not only resurrecting their Champion, but in living a thriving, rich, fulfilling life for many many years.
I used these five to help my new client. And I’m hoping that they’ll resonate with you and inspire some powerful thoughts about this new mindset that you wish and want to install.
1. ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR A GREAT OUTCOME
“Well that all sounds good, but how am I supposed to look at this rubble laying at my feet and think that somehow it can all work together for something great? I’m not arguing I’m just begging you to help me see it!”
This is exactly why your mindset must be firmly installed as a powerful anchor in your life BEFORE the rubble occurs.
Of course, that would’ve been an insensitive thing to say to my client in that moment. So, I asked if he’d like to hear the story of a Champion who set this as part of her mindset? He nodded affirmatively with a big Texas “yep” on his face.
I shared with him that she’d begun her Champion journey while recovering from a pretty (or not so pretty) big pile of rubble at her feet.
Before she came to me, she’d spent 24 months focused on, processing, and feeling stuck in that ‘pile’ at her feet. She described it as quicksand, and she was sinking…with no hope of extracting herself.
We did some great executive coaching to resurrect her failing business. She did powerful heart committed work to emerge from a devastating and financially crushing divorce. And she somehow figured out a way to come to terms with only having her children 60% of the time.
She completed the work on all those things very quickly, once she resurrected her Champion and got that spirit back!
As we began her mindset work, one of the first things she said was, “Unless you can give me some sort of written guarantee, that I’ll not find myself sinking in that emotional quicksand malaise again, I need to ramp up some kind of mindset that’ll not set me back another 2 years this time.”
I didn’t suggest this be added to her mindset. But I ask her to look back, as most Champions learn to do, and mine/dig for those strength building diamonds that were buried in this rubble. Those moments that unknown at the time, shape character, grit, and resolve that can only come from those pressurized lonely ‘deep dark places’ like where real diamonds are born.
As she reflected, she shared, “Well, I’ll never say that I’m glad I got a divorce. It was way too hard on me and my kids. I would’ve never divorced him, although he was an emotionally abusive alcoholic. But, if HE hadn’t divorced me.”
She paused in careful thought then said, “I would’ve never met this wonderful man I’m married to now. Who’s cherished me in ways, I’ve never experienced in my entire life and adores my kids too.”
Another diamond that came from the rubble was that she had burned out in the way of doing her business prior to things “falling apart”. Because the business basically burnt to the ground, she was able to pursue a change in direction.
She’d always wanted to be an executive business coach, which was only a small part of what she did in her former business. She revamped her business and focused on that part of her business she was truly passionate about.
She’d gone back to former clients with her new focus, and her business very quickly took flight. These were other diamonds she’d ‘mined’ into the light.
These diamonds of truth she mined from the rubble and ruin, became light for her heart to see and adopt a mindset that she lives by daily, that plays in her on repeat… ‘All things really DO and CAN work together for a great and a right outcome.’
Let me caution you, just in case you’re thinking questions many people ask, when I speak about this mindset.
- So, you just ignore the rubble and try to pull magic out of it while you’re devastated?
- How on earth can you do this when you can’t see the future unless you have, some sort of crystal ball?
- Are you just supposed to shut down your feelings and act like nothing ever happened?
- Hopefully you’re not trying to tell me, to do some of that happy BS stuff? Where I act like I’m fine, all while falling apart?
Adopting this mindset is about none of those. If there’s rubble at your feet or you’re buried in ashes… Don’t try ignoring it. And, for sure don’t carry on as if nothing ever happened!
Start creating a new mindset with … are you ready … Something that moves you ‘forward’ every day!
Ok…like what?
Simple stuff…
- Look at new home plans and dream.
- Research that longed for future vacation/travel.
- Start the novel you’ve always wanted to read.
- Find a coach or a therapist.
- Attend a workshop.
- Anything that’ll help you begin to move forward to create new hope.
Only in forward motion, can ALL things work together for your good!
But do it with the mindset that says, “Right now life sucks! It’s horrible! But I know that somehow in the future all these things can come together for something better, good, and great! I’ll daily do everything I can to feel better, pursuing restoration.
I’ll resolve to always holding onto that ‘something good’ that will come from this for me! And I’ll be looking for both, ‘smaller-better and greater-better’ to appear! I’ll lift my inner and outer eyes … looking and moving forward at the same time!”
This mindset will keep your focus on hope and a new future! So that you don’t lie in bed and waste your life for two years. With the “what if’s” on loop mode, like a client, who’d added this head noise to her mindset.
After going through some challenges over the past couple of years. I shared with my new client who’d adopted the “all things are going to work together” mantra, that I’d adopted her mindset for myself.
It was amazing how it helped me through some difficult situations. The mindset did not provide immediate solutions. The mindset didn’t pull beauty out of ashes right away. But it did help me stay on track. It helped me to focus on doing what I knew to do. Living in the moment and not allowing worry and care to cloud or drown out the wisdom of those Champion hunches within … for each next right step.
One. Next. Right. Step.
As I did my part, I felt the Champion within me come alive with fresh creative ideas and strategies.
After I gave my ‘trust’ for results yet unseen, faith and desire renewed a quiet determination in me, to move forward through those things. There was new ability to focus on solutions of healing, instead of rehearsing what had happened that almost took me down. And finally, there came a courage to step forward, when I felt incredibly stuck.
“Well, I need that one if it’ll give me all of that stuff it gave you!” He proclaimed unashamedly!
What about you? Is this part of the mindset that you need to adopt?
Let’s commit ourselves to this truth … mindsets help transform will power. And one day we’ll wake and realize … our mindset has grown into a forever life changed focus and resolve in us! It’s ‘can do’ on repeat!
When I share these mindsets with clients, and there are many different ones that I share … I tell them that their Champion is about as far away from them as that mindset is.
“It’s what you learn after you know it all, that counts.”
John Maxwell
Because my new client was eager to admit he needed it and to reach for it, I knew his Champion was not far from him.
How far away is your Champion?
2. EVERY CHALLENGE IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH, STRENGTH, AND/OR DEEPER INTIMACY
I pulled this one out because many Champions, when setting their new mindset, have ideas that resonate with this.
But specifically for the sake of what had occurred in his marriage, I knew this mindset might be helpful for him, at least for this season.
I asked him, “Did you know that every challenge in marriage, or any important relationship is an opportunity for growth for you as an individual, for them as an individual, and for the relationship? AND, for the intimacy of the relationship?”
Like many, he looked at me like he was wondering what planet I was from. Like somehow an alien had taken charge of my brain and was causing me to spew out nonsense.
Although I say this often, even Coaches that I’ve trained in this and certified, are surprised when they finally really “get it!” That this opportunity is not some kind of happy, crazy stuff. But truly the pathway to GREAT relationships. Or as I often say, using challenges to create greater intimacy is the potential superglue to every relationship!
I explained that every challenge erupts something in one or both people, and that if we look for the opportunity, we can be a healing partner. Just one healing statement can change the course of even a horrible relationship into something richer.
For example, when he’d received a phone call from her “crazy ex-fiancé,” he explained how he allowed himself to think the worst and threw a bomb at her… “If you can’t get this man out of our lives, why don’t you just go be with him!”
She was devastated by the threat, particularly, when she’d had no communication with her former flame in over 15 years!
He said he got over it once he heard her explain she’d not been talking to the crazy ex-fiancé and remembered that she’d left him long before he met her. Because he really WAS crazy.
But she hadn’t gotten over it. The words hurt her, and I knew he’d hit a wound in her. But he’d regularly reminded her she just needed to get over it … creating even more distance between them with comments like: “You’re just dramatic …” Or … “I don’t even understand why you are so upset.”
I asked him what he thought her wound might be? At first, with slight agitation he said, “I don’t know and don’t even know why I should know?”
I told him because it was a challenge, and that if he could see it as an opportunity for healing, growth, and deeper intimacy, that I believed he’d handle it differently.
“Did she have any abandonment in her history?” I asked with curiosity.
After thinking a moment, he said, “Well, her dad who’s probably the ‘king of abandonment’ was a ‘no show’ to walk her down the aisle the day of our wedding.”
He softened as he remembered.
“And that crazy X-dude that called her…was a loser too. He’d no-show for dates and disappear for weeks at a time and tell her she was crazy for wondering what happened during those weeks,” he said shaking his head while looking at the floor.
I nodded empathetically as he began experiencing his “aha moment” concerning his wife’s abandonment issues as he paused staring at the floor.
With a very different attitude, and great tenderness, he admitted, “I guess that thing I said about going to be with him (that you called the ‘bomb dropping’) was basically the same thing. I no showed on her when she needed me,” he said with sadness in his eyes.
I nodded as he processed.
Finally, he said, “Yeah that mindset about using challenges to connect might’ve helped me not be such a jerk. I need that mindset! And I know it’s too late this time, but what would I do next time?”
I assured him: “First of all it’s not too late. And secondly, I want you to go home and say something like this.”
‘I understand that what I said when I got the phone call from that dude really hurt you, and it probably felt to you that I was just like him. And probably reminded you of your dad, who was never there. I’m truly sorry.’
“Then hold her close. Comfort her. Tell her about the new mindset you’re adopting and tell her you’ll be very aware not to do that kind of thing again.”
The next week, he came back wanting to do whatever it would take to install that mindset.
He shared, “I did what you said, even though I was shaking like a leaf on the inside. And didn’t really think it would work. She melted, and I just held her, and kept saying the things you said to say over and over, because I didn’t know what else to say. Honest to God Dr. Neecie, I didn’t even know there was a deeper level that we could go to. But we’re on our way.”
If we could all learn to adopt a similar mindset…and when challenges occur, look for moments of growth…WOW! Just wow.
And if they are with people you deeply care about, look for a healing opportunity with them.
It’s a powerful mindset and one of my favorites!
How would it serve you?
3. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES OR FAILURES IF I AM ACKNOWLEDGING MY PART IN IT … AND LEARNING AND GROWING!
“It’s not a question of if you fail, it’s a question of when—and how you respond. No successful person becomes a success without failure.”
Dr. John Maxwell
There’s a song that’s popular right now that has these lyrics:
Every time I step up in the building
Everybody’s hands go up
And they stay there
And they say yeah
And they stay there!
‘Cause all I do is
Win (Win)
Win (Win)
Win!
I attended an online workshop recently where they talked about reframing mistakes and failures and used this song as a powerful adjunct.
This mindset is very similar.
Not ignoring mistakes.
Not covering up failures.
Quite the opposite.
Owning them.
Looking for lessons.
Finding ways to grow from it.
For making course corrections.
I said to my new client, “I noticed that you used the word ‘failed’ and ‘failure’ often during our first visit.” He nodded with a ‘I know…I know’ expression because he was still in total agreement with that.
I asked him, “What could you learn? What could you own? How could you grow? In ways that would transform the rubble from a failure, into a gift of growth or advancing?”
From the expression on his face, he thought the alien was back in my head causing me to speak gibberish.
I invited him to look at what started a downward cycle in his relationship. “Are there any lessons or any gems you can carry forward from this?”
He laughed heartily as he’s proclaimed, “Oh yes! Let’s go there! First, I’ve learned not to drop bombs. Secondly, I’m now willing to look for healing opportunities!”
I commented that if that’s all he gleaned, that it was pure gold!
“And what have you learned about your business? Any lessons you can take forward with that?”
With another chuckle, he said, “When things go to hell, instead of putting my head in the sand, make an appointment with a great business coach!”
More gold!
And although we’d not yet addressed his health challenges, I asked him if he had learned any lessons there.
He nodded a bit ashamedly and said with the regret: “Early detection is key. Get your checkups!”
I knew it was serious but did not learn until later that he’d been diagnosed with colon cancer and was about to have parts of his colon re-sectioned.
I asked him if he thought any of these three things that he’d learned from this season were valuable?
“I guess if it saved my marriage, is saving my life, and gets me back on track with my business, like you said … those are golden!”
I nodded, “Indeed, my friend! Can you now talk about the season without the words ‘failed’ or ‘failure’?”
“I believe I can with my business and my marriage, and I hope it’s not too late for my health.”
Thankfully, it was not too late!
How would it help you to adopt the mindset of learning and growing from experiences rather than calling them failures or calling yourself a failure?
I’m pretty sure that Sylvester Stallone does not call himself a failure although some reports say he was rejected 1500 times before he produced and starred in Rocky.
“The only failure is quitting. Everything else is just gathering information.”
Jen Sincero, New York Times Best Selling Author of: How to Start Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
How might it transform your life, your attitude, your relationships, your business, your future if you adopted this mindset of “There are no mistakes or failures if I’m acknowledging my part in it …And learning and growing!”
There’s no failure in you, my friend! Because you are not a quitter!
This kind of vulnerability will bring blessing to you and richer inner peace.
- As others come and say thank you.
- After they watch you simply get up and move forward with a new sense of healthy humility.
- And, for what you learned and now share by living example, when they see you following and living out this kind of Champion mindset!
4. THE GREAT THINGS IN LIFE ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR!
The Champion mindset not only does not quit, but it knows that good things are so worth fighting for!
When I suggested this one to my new client, it looked like shame washed all over his countenance. I was hoping it was a healthy shame.
“Sometimes I think there’s just been too much damage done in my marriage and I should just let her start over with someone else, because sometimes I’m just too difficult.”
As I raise my eyebrows in curiosity, he continued, “But I guess if I had that Champion mindset of fighting in me, I’d realize how much she and our marriage are worth fighting for.”
I hear this statement made by spouses in marriages that are struggling regularly. They can acknowledge how good it once was, but they entertain the thought that it might be easier to just let it go.
The Champion mind set would also acknowledge that it might be easier…
But only for a moment.
The long-term results and consequences are always, always, always harder. Whether it be in fighting for relationships, businesses, or a cause.
When I added a similar belief to my Champion mindset, I added another piece. The piece that said: “I’m not looking for easy ways out or short cuts. But just for the greatest long-term results!”
I asked my client how that mindset might help him. He responded with a mischievous grin: “It would probably help my wife’s peace of mind! But I also think that I would have thought much harder when my business was challenged. I would do much better in a future challenge with this mindset!”
He continued: “You know people who don’t understand owning your own business say the craziest things. I remember hearing discouraging things over and over like…
- It was probably a sign that it just wasn’t meant to be.
- Or count your losses and move on.
- Or maybe it’s just time to move on to something new.
- Or have you considered just getting a J-O-B?”
I nodded with great understanding, because during difficult challenges in my business ventures and projects, I’d heard similar musings.
I asked how this might possibly play out well regarding his health.
Another grin and confession: “I guess I’m like most men and think I’m invincible”.
His expression changed to something a bit more solemn as he continued: “I think that it’s key. My wife just gave me an article to read about how huge of a part, mindset plays in healing and recovery.”
After another solemn pause, he looked up and with pure determination and gratitude said, “So yes. Thank you for this. My life depends on it. I will indeed fight!”
The same is true for all of us at one level or another. Our willingness to fight for the great things in our life determines our altitude and the levels of our fulfillment.
What about you? What great things do you need to dedicate yourself to fighting for?
“It ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can ‘get hit’ and keep movin’ forward; how much you can take and keep movin’ forward.”
Rocky Balboa
And how will adopting this Champion mindset help you?
5. LIVING LIFE WITH EXCELLENCE IN HEALTH, IN RELATIONSHIPS AND IN FINANCES, ARE NON-NEGOTIABLE
I first learned this concept in Fiji at a Tony Robbins event at … yes … at his resort-amazing place! He was talking to us about how crucial it is to have non-negotiables in our lives regarding important matters.
He helped us individually to find our non-negotiables.
In the process, he was giving an example of his optimal health and well-being and peak performance, and the routines he’d established to continually strengthen and built as a platform to live from.
One of them was doing a cold-water plunge. Every morning he jumps into a small pool/body of water that is fixed at 57 degrees.
He told a funny story about how that the average swimming pool is between 78 and 82°, and we do “the thing” where we put our toe in the water and shiver, then finally a foot, and hopefully within 30 minutes we’re in the pool.
We were all laughing hysterically because we’ve all had that experience. After thoroughly explaining the science behind the cold water plunge and how it was a nonnegotiable for him he said, “If I allow my brain to negotiate with me for one nanosecond, the plunge will NOT happen.”
It was eye-opening as he went from the plunge not happening, to him not being at his best, and how there’re days it could affect 20,000 to 100,000 people in an audience. All because he allowed his brain to negotiate.
What does non-negotiable mean?
“Fixed and impossible to change, even through discussions or reasoning.”
I had a new understanding of non-negotiables. I never tell people what their non-negotiable should be specifically, like a cold-water plunge. But I tell them they need to have non-negotiables in the arenas of relationships, health, and finances. I don’t limit people to those areas. But those areas are absolutely, intensely crucial.
There are many slippery slopes in life. These are areas where we simply cannot allow anything less than excellence. And there must be some non-negotiables to keep us on this path.
As I said, although I’m willing to help, I never decide for anyone what their non-negotiables should be. But unless they pop right out, I ask questions such as these. Perhaps they’ll help you in establishing yours.
I ask them for each of the three areas (relationships, health, finances).
- What one thing could you do to make your (relationships, health, finances) more excellent?
- What one thing would equip you to step up higher in your (relationships, health, finances)?
- What one thing would bring more fulfillment in your (relationships, health, finances)?
Your turn! Don’t just read over this. It’s non-negotiable!
I worked on all these things with my client and helped him formulate the non-negotiables he established, in order to keep excellence in those three areas of his life.
Relationships-
Divorce is not an option, Disrespect is not an option, and daily love deposits (at least 10) are an absolute must!
Business & Finances-
I’ll speak with a business coach at least one time monthly. No excuses. And more often if I’m facing challenges in my business.
Health-
Thirty+ minutes of cardio six days a week, three weight training sessions weekly, intermittent fasting five days a week. Regular health checkups. Work with a health coach at least one time monthly.
Non-negotiables are just that. They WILL happen…
- Not when you feel like it.
- Not when it’s convenient.
- Not when you get around to it.
Absolutely nonnegotiable.
My first nonnegotiable was before I met Tony Robbins in Fiji. As a matter fact, around Thanksgiving it’ll be 32 years ago.
I took on a challenge of not eating sugar through the holidays. I had no idea at the time that sugar was more addictive than cocaine. I had no idea I would find myself in a fetal position crying and shaking due to cravings for sugar in my first 48 hours.
BUT … My headaches stopped. My energy levels hit all-time highs. My thinking was clearer. My depression evaporated. I could go on and on. So, what was a two-week challenge then, became a 32-year nonnegotiable.
Now I know it to be one of the key elements to my health, my energy levels, and my moods. Which affect relationships. And my ability to create financial gain.
What non-negotiables do you need?
We refined all five of the Champion mindset items for my client. We did a powerful installation. (Here is a description of the installation process should you desire to do it for yourself).
Once they were installed, there was obviously dramatic change and transformation for him.
I received this email from his wife:
“We did this Champion resurrection process together. And it took our lives, our marriage, our family to a whole new level. Then we had some major setbacks which I’m sure he shared with you. But this week, what I saw happening in him when he resurrected his Champion is like a new Champion on steroids! And I don’t mean he’s hyper or anything like that. I just mean this man that I have loved for so many years is truly a hero in my eyes. Not perfect. But he’s a man that I desire our sons to become. And I’m sure you know that from the heart of a mother, that’s the greatest complement that could be given. Thank you for helping him put the icing on the cake of the Champion within him. PS – He’s helping me and our sons with a new mindset! The Champion mindset!”
What about you? What Champion mindsets do you need to adopt and deeply install into the hard drive of your mind, heart, and spirit?
Surrender is the key for adopting any change or any new mindset and there’s no such thing as a 50% surrender…your Champion’s calling…are you all in?!
