“Just doing the prep work has diminished misery and suffering in my life. But it still shows up way too often…you promised me we could expect it to go, and I’m ready! And my wife is MORE than ready!”
I smiled and nodded as I proclaimed, “I am sure she is more than ready! You say you’ve noticed a difference. Has she?”
“Well, she’s noticed that when I feel the misery and suffering emerging, I say out loud: ‘Misery and suffering! Your days are numbered’!”
We shared a chuckle before he went on.
“And she heartily responds with: ‘I certainly hope so’!”
He wanted abundance.
He embraced the hunger.
He’s done the work.
He wanted a new state of being.
I so admired his willingness to constantly scan:
To call out the misery and suffering that’s been the theme of his life. It was literally squeezing life from his heart, soul, and mind like an overpowering Amazon boa constrictor!
(If you missed the prep work from last week, click this link [https://bit.ly/GoodbyeMisery] to do the beginning steps of evicting misery and suffering from your life.)
And by the way, this is equally as effective on any undesirable state from which you live or that you default to.
- Worry
- Anger
- Frustration
- Angst
- Etc. Etc. Etc.
There’re so many things we simply cannot control in this life…a few examples:
- Interest rates
- The weather
- Other people
- Other people’s choices/decisions
- Traffic
- Natural disasters
- The economy
- Many many many more things …
Regardless of all those things…the truth is…we have more control over our lives then we often believe.
(An extra FYI…this comes from carefully controlled, researched, and recorded data studies of human beings.
The results?…95% of WHO we’ve become are from…
- Memorized behaviors that lead to
- Automated emotional responses that breed
- Unconscious habits…
ALL are now our hard-wired attitudes and beliefs…unless WE decide to change them and pursue a new state of being. And a new place to live from. It’s time to feel the hunger! And resurrect the Champion within you … who carries your destiny for abundant life!)
There’s one thing that we have complete and total control over…that can change the way that we live and our moment to moment quality of life.
What’s that you ask? It’s the place…the state of being…we choose to operate and live from. What’s the definition of ‘state’?
- The particular condition that someone or something is in at a specific time
- Our mode or condition of being
- The condition of our mind or temperament
- A condition of abnormal tension or excitement
Originally, our default state was installed in us from early life experiences and from ‘the state’ of our significant original caregivers. Often, it’s altered by trauma, significant life experiences, and our personal and spiritual growth (or lack of it). All which … we had no choice but to see, hear, feel, and absorb. We’re not the original human we were designed to become, we’re simply a reflection of childhood, events and trauma … UNLESS WE CHOOSE SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
Usually, our ‘state’ or as I called it in last week’s blog, our ‘emotional home’ is the place we default to when we are,
- Happy.
- Sad.
- Afraid.
- Worried.
- Excited.
- Concerned.
- Angry.
- Frustrated.
- Pissed off.
- Hopeful.
- Discouraged.
- Piss-ee.
- Confused.
- The list goes on.
For far too many people, their default state or emotional home is misery and suffering victimhood … on loop.
We really can control that. Not easily. Not by wishing. But with some work and some prayer and a hunger from within.
(And you’re ‘absolved/pardoned’ for not knowing you could control or choose it from this moment backwards! But from this moment forward? It’s your responsibility!)
When I said this to my client, he responded, “I’m not much of a praying man, but I’ll get on my knees right here, right now if it’ll help get rid of this misery and suffering that I beat myself up with.”
He paused and added this.
“And furthermore, I’ve always been a hard worker.” He pointed to the rolled-up sleeves on his flannel shirt and said, “I arrived with my sleeves rolled up, and I’m ready to go! And if you can take the misery and suffering out of all my hard work, I’ll probably end up a millionaire!”
We both laughed.
What about you? Are your sleeves rolled up?
I know that whether misery and suffering has taken up permanent residence in you, or you just go there more often than you’d like… Your sleeves are rolled up… Ready to do whatever it takes!
Let the journey to the abundant life begin! And remember, that life is not available if misery and suffering are on the throne and taking reign over your life! Misery and suffering is death talk, not life talk.
“I’ve come that you might have life and have it more abundantly.”
Jesus
Follow these steps of fulfilled Champions. Who’ve ousted misery and suffering! Who’ve stepped into the abundant life! Who’re living extraordinary and fulfilling lives!
“You cannot think greater than you feel.”
Dr. Joe Dispenza
1. Choose the state you would love to live from.
The first step is choosing the ‘state’ or ‘emotional home’ that you’d most desire to live from. You see, misery and suffering always puts us on a path of barely surviving. Living in low grade state of how wrong life feels. Aren’t you tired of this!?
No one wants to just survive. But to thrive and step into abundant life! But you must first decide what that ‘state or emotional home’ IS for you.
I asked my client a series of questions. I’m hoping you’ll ask yourself the same questions in order to arrive at the state that would be not only awesome, that not only would cause you to thrive, but would lead you to stepping into the state of abundant life!
I’ve also notated his responses, hoping it can help you evaluate your responses.
A. Are there moments (maybe only a few short moments) when you’ve felt like ‘anything’ was possible for you?
My client responded immediately: “Oh, that’s easy, because when I watch the Rocky Balboa movies, I feel like I’m on top of the world…though it quickly fades away. But maybe that’s why I watch them so often?”
I nodded in agreement and said, “That could absolutely be why you watch them often because at least for a moment or two, it puts you in a state that’s empowering.”
B. How do you feel after those moments? (For my client … those moments were when he watched the Rocky movies)
He responded immediately, “I feel like I could do anything! I mean… anything! As a matter fact, I watched one after our last session and for a few minutes, I really felt like I could chase the misery and suffering out of my life.”
(I know watching Rocky may seem a bit cheesy, but we all reach for those things that inspire us at times, those favorite songs, poems, scriptures, books, etc. So, go ahead and call me cheesy…I love the Rocky character too…and agree he’s inspiring!)
I inquired, “So would the feeling be powerful? Hopeful? Invincible?”
He almost interrupted and blurted, “Unstoppable! That’s it! I feel unstoppable!” Great word I thought.
C. Are there times, or at least moments, when you feel at rest or at peace?
He had to ponder on that one a minute. Then he stated more like a question than a response, “Is that how I feel after the second beer? Or after taking a Xanax?”
I responded cautiously and slowly, so as not to lose him and said, “It could very well be. But are there ever times that you can get there without a substance?”
I asked with deep concern, because unfortunately, it’s not unusual for people to need some sort of substance to get to that place. But usually when they dig deep enough, they can find another source or two. I let him continue to ponder.
“Well, sometimes when I go to the Christmas Eve service and they darken the church and everyone turns on their little candle, I feel that way.”
He paused with a reflective look and continued, “It’s like darkness, total and complete darkness transforms into light…one little flicker at a time.”
I smiled, then acknowledged the power in what he’d said. “I guess it’s pretty sad that you only get that opportunity once a year.”
He responded, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. And when I don’t go, I guess it’s every two years.”
Again, it’s not unusual for people to have to do some serious contemplation to come to their response to this question. But stay with it until you come to your answer. Let’s continue.
D. What feeling do you get at that moment when you arrive at peace and rest? (The Christmas eve candle lighting for my client.)
Once again, it seemed to take him a moment to assimilate his response.
Quietly, he almost whispered: “Serene. Able to hear myself think clearly. Maybe the best word is clarity.”
What about you? At those moments, no matter how rare they are, how do you feel when you’re in those moments?
E. Are there moments that you experience feeling deep down that everything is going to be…OK?
Once again, my client looked at me as if I’d just spoken to him in Greek. I waited patiently. I could tell he was trying to pull something up from deep within.
“This may sound silly. But every now and then, when my wife and I have a good talk, and I’m able to open up to her, at the end of the talk she’ll do this little thing. She’ll take my hand or gently pat my knee and look at me in the eyes and say something like…‘I believe in you’.”
I smiled at the sweetness, seeing her gesture in my mind and understanding how it could’ve touched him so deeply.
What about you? Are there moments when you feel like everything’s going to be, OK?
F. How do you feel in that moment that you feel like everything might be…OK? Even if it’s a rare moment?
After I asked this, I could tell my client’s hunger for change was becoming his new truth when he said, “Confident! Confident that I can do something, become something I’m not ashamed of!”
What about you? What do you feel in those moments, even if they’re fleeting, that everything is going to be OK?
G. What’s one word that you wish your wife, your children, your family, your colleagues would use to describe you?
With his sharp wit, as many people do, he first responded with what he wished they would not use to describe him.
“I wish they wouldn’t describe me as a drunk, a coldhearted SOB, or a miserable human being?!”
With a slight eye roll, I chuckled and waited.
“Velvet covered steel. I heard that saying once and thought…Wow! That sounds like someone who’s strong, but also tender and vulnerable at the right times and in the right places,” he said with a bright look.
I smiled and nodded, knowing how much his wife must long for that.
What about you?
What words do you wish people would use to describe you?
Particularly, the people most important to you like your spouse, your children, your colleagues?
I told my client that one more thing must be done.
“If we could take all of your words: unstoppable, clear/clarity, confident, velvet-covered steel, put them in a blender…what short phrase or word do you think we’d come up with?”
He rubbed his chin and thought, then finally said:
“Now that’s a tough one. Because they’re just as different as apples are from strawberries, bananas are from blueberries, and oranges are from cherries.”
I waited while he muttered a couple of funny things, like “tasty, healthy, where’s the ice cream?”
I could tell he was onto something as he began to put some thoughts and words together. Finally, he settled on one that indeed was a powerful state!
“Finding peace and power in becoming the man, the husband, the dad, God created me to be. With a soft spot!”
Powerful! I thought, “Yes…a velvet-covered steel kind of a man indeed.”
So I challenged him and asked, “Do you think misery and suffering can coexist with that state?”
He responded with a big grin and a hearty, “NOT NO! BUT…HELL NO!!”
We both laughed, remembering that he’d commanded his misery and suffering to go to hell just the week before with a little help from a Tom Petty groove!
Put your responses to B, D, F, and G together. Put them in the blender… What words or short phrases can you come up with?
You’ve just identified a new, powerful, wonderful state that you can live from. This state will lead you into the abundant life you should’ve always known and experienced!
AND…the great fulfillment only Champions experience!
2. Install that desired state deep in your heart, mind, and spirit.
It’s not enough to just identify the state that you wish and long to live in and from… Like many people’s New Year’s resolutions, that become ancient history by the second week of January, your new desired state can quickly fade away.
I did not want this for my client, nor do I want it for you.
You must install it. If you read my work, you know the ingredients necessary to install something new into and onto the hard-drive of your heart, mind, and spirit.
The installation ingredients are:
- Volume.
- Movement with high energy.
- And repetition.
(You may think or say, “How childish!” But I say, “Isn’t it your childish immature expressions and reactions, born from your present state you had no choice in, the reason you’re looking and longing for this life change? As a Doctor with 2 earned PhD’s, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain by embracing this simple childlike method. Because the research data and I…SAY and KNOW…it works!)
I’m a big believer in using the power of music for these exercises. As I said, we’d already used music with him last week.
I asked him if there was a powerful song with powerful words or even a short phrase in a song, with a driving beat that he really enjoyed.
Immediately, he chose the song that I regularly use myself…’Simply The Best’ by Tina Turner.
You simply cannot do this exercise and get the result you desire by sitting down unless you’re unable to stand. In that case, move your arms and your head to the beat of the music.
My client stood up and began to march in place. We had our energy-producing music and our movement down.
Then, holding his new powerful state in front of him, he began to read it aloud, with as much volume as possible, again, and again. Beginning with:
- I choose to live in … (his was “Finding peace and power in becoming the man, the husband, the dad, God created me to be. With a soft spot!”) – (Insert yours)
- I love living in or as … (Insert yours)
- My wife loves seeing me as … (Insert yours)
- My children love seeing me as … (Insert yours)
- My emotional home is… (Insert yours)
Repeating them again and again.
No lag in energy.
No lag in movement.
No lag in volume.
We actually had to have the song on loop for about 3 plays, until it was clear that it dropped into his heart.
I lowered the volume of the song because I could no longer hear him. He was actually praying, “God help me! Please help me!”
I looked out the back window at the beauty of baby ducks, following their momma on the little lake on the golf course. The scene, the look away, seemed honoring of his sacred moment.
When he’d been silent for a moment, I looked at him.
I’d never seen a brighter smile.
Or more life pouring out of a set of eyes.
Or a more powerful body language state.
With the beaming, life altering expression all over him he asked, “Is this the part where I’m supposed to drop to my knees?”
I laughed with him and said, “I think God’s heard you, right where you are!”
I hoped that the radiance that I was experiencing would be in full bloom when he returned home to his wife and children.
You cannot skip the step!
Get a friend or a mentor to do it with you.
I always mimic the movement of my client and say the words aloud with them. Getting someone to do that with you is a powerful moment for you, for them, and for your relationship.
Skipping this step is a choice to continue your life in misery and suffering and surrendering your right to an abundant life.
The state you long for now, was the state you should’ve seen and known growing up. So let your inner child be your voice, your expression, and install that state of wonder! That’s your path to abundance!
Please press pause. Let’s do this!
This is your shining moment! Remember what Dr. Dispenza said, “You cannot think greater than you feel.”
We/you can do this…let go of your state of the walking dead…and live! TRULY LIVE!
3. Empower it, proclaim it, and practice it!
Empowering this new state is all about making it important in your life. It’s your first things first mission. We do this by putting reminders of it in many places, so that you/we see it everywhere-every day!
At the beginning of your day…say it out loud! The 5 sentences you used to install it in point 2 above.
Use the music that you used to install it or choose another song.
My client chose the song “You’ve Got the Power’ by the band, War.
He listens to that song every morning as he proclaims the state that he loves, his wife loves, his children love. The state HE chooses to live from.
He does the proclamation listening to the song, ‘You’ve Got the Power’ to anchor it deeply in his brain, heart, and spirit.
When the song that reminds you of how you choose to live is anchored deeply, it can help you in a jam. Sound too good to be true? All the research and data says … it is true!
“Change your brain, change your life.”
Dr. Daniel Amen
When it feels like misery and suffering may be ringing your heart’s doorbell…press pause long enough to listen to the song now planted in you and proclaim the new state you’re choosing to live from. It’ll slam the door on misery and suffering.
Practice your new state.
When you get in your car remember the moment you installed it. Remember the great moments you’ve experienced living from that place. Think of the new abundance (that feeling-better place in you) that is now your life. Practice feeling it.
Research shows us that there are 3 things that we can do to return to the new state at any time. In any place.
- Change your physiology. Look at how you are sitting. The expression on your face. The tone of your voice. Your body language. Your breathing. That’s called ‘physiology’. Change your physiology to match what it would look like LIVING from your new state.
- Change your focus. Focus on the abundant life. Focus on the new state you’ve chosen. Where focus goes energy flows. If you’ll focus on the abundant life of your new state, it’ll quickly return.
- Change your thoughts and spoken words. If you’re thinking about misery and suffering or using language about misery and suffering, you’re answering that doorbell to your doorbell ringing from a visitor who has choked life from you. Instead, change your thoughts and your words that reflect your ‘new-chosen’ state of abundance.
Any of the 3 of those will be affective. But all 3 at the same time are unshakably powerful. They’ll become an abundant life power-habit!
My client has aced all 3!
Yes, in the beginning you must fight answering that inner doorbell when misery and suffering come calling. But after a while, it becomes second nature, and you begin to ‘feel’ like you think! That’s abundance!
What about you?
How are you empowering your new state?
How and when will you proclaim it daily?
How and when will you practice it?
This is your shining moment! Let’s do this! And next week, we’ll help you protect your new state and take a deep dive into the abundant life.
*******
Last week, I had a wonderful visit with my client’s wife.
Because their last name is fairly common, I didn’t know it was his wife on my schedule until she arrived.
She plopped down in the chair overlooking the lake with a laugh while saying, “You’re gonna love this problem! I actually…need some help adjusting. It’s like I got a divorce and immediately remarried a new man. I don’t know whether to grieve or celebrate? To cry or laugh? To be afraid it’s temporary? Or just enjoy this new life!”
Immediately, I knew just who she was! I jumped out of my chair and gave her a hearty hug! “I am so delighted to meet you!”
I heard story after story…tender and priceless moments…and shared in her tears.
I won’t leave you hanging. She adjusted and now loves the new life they have together!
My question and challenge for you is this, are you willing to do the work too?
Are you willing to evict the victimhood of suffering and misery from your life…and step into the abundant life?
I’d love to hear the powerful impact that it has on your marriage, on your parenting, whether your children are young or adults.
I’d love to hear powerful stories that’ll come as you step into the abundant life!
Don’t miss out!
No matter how long you’ve carried the misery and suffering …
No matter how difficult it’s been …
It’s possible for you…
It’s not too late…to truly find your bliss and live!
Step into the abundant life of a Champion …
You’re welcome here…
You’re meant to be here…
You’ll be so glad you did!
Always remember, “We cannot think greater than we feel”.
But there’s a Champion in you/me/we waiting to rise and lead us to the abundance we were born to know and live. The bliss we never saw, heard, tasted, touched, or felt.
But…it’s time! You can do this!
And out of my state of abundance…I live, I love, I dance to make this happen!
