“I was on your pop-up mini workshop, a couple of weeks ago, and my brain is still stuck on that percentage statement that you made. I mean I got the general concept, and it stirred something in me. But somehow, I can’t seem to figure out how to apply it to my life … if that makes any sense,” my new client on the other side of the screen in New York City stated.
I smiled and validated: “Actually, that makes total sense to me, because I remember when I started putting some crucial pieces together for my life, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.”
I continued: “I often ask my clients in similar situations if there’s someone in their lives, that is close enough to know them well, but perhaps not in the middle of the forest with you? Because quite often, others can see us and our dilemmas (and issues) more clearly than we can. Do you have someone like that that you have spoken to?”
With a great sense of humor, he responded: “I’m pretty sure my wife is stuck in the forest with me, even though she’s over on the other side of the forest, and at the end of her rope with me.”
After a good laugh, I inquired: “Did you ask her?”
“I did,” he said, while shaking his head with what looked like a bit of disgust. “That’s what landed me here!”
“Should I thank her for sending you?” I waited with no response.
With a grin I added: “Or are you here just to check off the box?”
“No… I genuinely want to understand how it applies. But I was wanting to understand how it applies to my online business,” he muttered.
“It applies to all areas of our lives. However, on the mini workshop, I was just focusing on relationships, business (or finances), and life in general,” I responded.
With a roll of his eyes, he commented: “I know. But when I asked her what she thought about me reaching out to you for a session, she made me promise that I would look at how it applies to our marriage.”
“Then let’s start there!” I replied. “ Because I wouldn’t want to enable promise breaking!”
He agreed, although not wholeheartedly.
“Then when we get that handled, we can move on to your online business,” I added.
That seemed to inspire him enough to get started.
For those of you reading, let me summarize what I said in the mini workshop, and then, as I unpack it with him, I hope it will be helpful in assisting you to apply it to your life.
Having the courage to do what it takes to achieve high levels of success, connection, achievement, and fulfillment is not something that we speak of often enough.
I just completed a series about “The Courage to Love.”
Because I believe accomplishing great things, any success, and certainly achieving fulfillment… Requires courage.
However, the percentage statement that my new client came with came from was from this quote I made in the workshop:
“The courage to apply three percentages to the right things creates success and fulfillment in any area of our lives. You may think this does not add up …
And it doesn’t if you use a calculator. But it’s one of those formulas that creates exponential results!
If you have the courage to believe just one percent, the courage to focus on the right 20%, and commit to it 100% … it equates to 10,000% results in success, ongoing impact, and great fulfillment.”
Let’s unpack all three of those percentages in order to get you 10,000% results in your life, relationships, and finances/business. Really, in any area of your life!
1. The courage to believe 1%.
“May I ask you what you need to be believing about your marriage?” I opened the conversation to walk him through the courage to believe.
He immediately responded with: “Do you want her answer or mine?”
As I laughed, I assured him, I would be curious to hear her thoughts, but stated: “Since you are the one here, let’s work with you.”
“Probably just the courage to believe that we could create something that made me want to be married at all,” he said, with a certain amount of trepidation in his voice.
“Can you give me just a little bit of context for saying that?” I asked gently, hoping to relieve some of the trepidation I witnessed.
He cleared his throat after a thoughtful pause and began: “Well, we’re good a lot of the time. We’ve been together about seven years, and we do pretty well most of the time. But we have our moments.”
I nodded and commented: “As all couples do … “
“But you know the old saying? A leopard can’t change their spots?” he asked.
I nodded cautiously.
He followed up with a third question, “Is that true?”
I could sense it was not a rhetorical question. So I responded with a question: “What do you believe?“
“I believe if it’s true, we are both screwed.”
My next question was: “Whose spots need to be changed?”
In a moment of honesty, he said,“I would like to say both of ours… But the truth is, I’m most worried about my spots.”
I waited.
“She’s always working on her spots. I don’t know if they can change or not. But I went through so much in my first marriage, and I didn’t realize how cynical and jaded I became. I feel like those spots are ‘indelibly branded’ according to your words in the mini workshop,” he grumbled.
“Did you diagnose yourself of your ‘indelible brands’ as a result of the mini workshop?”
He nodded positively.
“Then you already know my answer to the question. All brands, even indelible brands, can be edited, removed, or transformed,” I responded.
“So it sounds to me like you need to believe with 1% of faith that your brands can be changed, and you can have a different view of who you can show up to be in your marriage?” I inquired.
“Yes,” he nodded. “But is one percent enough belief?”
“Always!” I responded.
As I explained to my client, I use that 1% to refer to an ancient metaphor that says this:
“If your faith were no bigger than a tiny mustard seed, you could say to a mountain ‘Move!’ … And it would! All things would be possible for you!”
It doesn’t take a huge amount of belief, or faith, to move mountains.
“So what is faith anyway?” my client asked. “Isn’t it a religious thing?”
I nodded and responded: “Yes, faith is a word and concept that’s used in many religious settings. But in this case, my favorite, definition of faith is: ‘Belief in something that you have not seen evidence of (at least not yet) externally, but you can see internally in your mind and heart.”
I loved the almost “little boyish” response of my client: “So all I have to do internally is picture my spots fading? Even though I’m not sure at this point that they can change and how they affect my marriage?”
“Exactly!“
“Well, I guess we’re in luck, because I often think back to the years when I didn’t have these spots. Is that enough?”
“That’s more than enough!” I assured him.
I leaned forward and showed him a necklace that my niece had given me for Christmas. It is a graphic of a mountain range, and the grain of mustard seed is a tiny spot representing the moon.
“I think what you have is at least that big!” I proclaimed.
What about you, my friend? Can you find just one percent of belief in whatever area of your life you are addressing?
I have more than just a mustard seed size of faith that you can… And you will!
2. The courage to focus on the 20%.
Most everyone is familiar with the 80/20 rule (the Pareto Principle). It asserts that 80% of results come from 20% of the effort on the correct things.
“I have no idea what to focus on that would fall in the 20% category,” my client stated with significant irritation that he couldn’t see the trees in his own forest.
“What would you like your marriage to look like?” I asked.
There was a significant thoughtful pause before he said, “I would just like to enjoy her. I would like to shut down the circus in my head about everything she does, and says. The circus interprets everything she does and says through my jaded, cynical filter. Then I assume I’m know her intentions, and on and on the circus goes. I just want to love her for her.”
“Great place to start!” I responded. “I believe you’ve already identified part of the 20%.”
“I have?“ he asked like he had missed his own boat.
“Yes, if you will focus on your spots, particularly those that are ‘indelibly branded’ with being jaded and cynical. “That will make all the difference in the world! And it won’t be nearly as difficult as you have probably assessed through that same filter of your jadedness and cynicalness.”
That got a laugh out of him.
“Well… Okay … What’s the rest of the 20%?” he asked almost as if he was afraid of the response.
“Practice 15 to 20 minutes a day ‘being present’ with her. 100% present. When you’re present in the moment, the jaded circus in your head pauses.”
“So I’m working on spots and being present? And I’m pretty sure you don’t want me to put them together for spotty presence!” he added with humor.
“You are exactly right. But if you will focus on the 20% that will move the needle daily toward the kind of marriage you want (and I’m sure she desires) things will begin to change,” I said.
“So I work on the spots with you? And on the presence thing with her?” he asked with innocent determination.
“Sounds like the perfect plan!” I affirmed
You do the same, my friend. Identify things that you can focus on that will move the needle forward in the area of your life you are addressing.
Focus on it. Spend time on it. Raise your standards on those things.
Let distractions go. Arrange for your time to be used wisely.
It will make a tremendous difference!
3. The courage to commit 100%!
“Now for the real kicker, right?” my client asked.
I retorted: “Only if you want 10,000% results, success, impact, and fulfillment”
“But, before I ‘kick’ you with the ‘kicker’ … let’s talk about commitment!” I suggested.
“Commitment is the state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person. It is the trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose.”
I asked my client: “Are you bound emotionally to your wife? Do you have sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose?”
With a look of dread that he might get kicked, he responded carefully: “Uhhh… not exactly! … I mean, it’s hard! It’s really not that hard most of the time because of her. It’s hard because of what I’ve been through.”
I nodded with understanding and continued: “Commitment is not always easy. There are moments when we all think: ‘This is just too hard!’ I’m sure there are moments when it would be easier to just go find someone else. But commitment does not do that!”
His expression looked as if he had been kicked indeed!
But I continued…
“Commitment is a decision, not a feeling! That means that even when you are upset, disillusioned, frustrated, or any other upset feeling, it does not change your commitment.”
“Ouch!” he groaned, as he braced himself, himself for the next kick.
“We live in an uncommitted society. We are committed as long as it feels good. That is relationship immaturity. Your commitment must go beyond how you feel at the moment. Because it is a decision you made. Honor your decision! That honors both you, your wife, and your marriage.”
“I’m listening… “ he said within increasing seriousness, as I could see his wheels turning.
“Commitment is a decision to never quit or give up. Never. Unless there is abuse in the relationship, don’t quit. Don’t give up. Instead, commit to working on your spots … which never allow her a fair chance!”
“I guess really … I’m just submitting to my jaded filter and cynical circus when I think about leaving?” he asked.
“Great insight! I applaud him. “But there’s one more thing I want to say to you… Please hear this!”
He nodded and leaned in.
“Commitment builds character. Commitment, when practiced, will make you a better person. Your character will grow tremendously.”
He nodded, with a bit of hope in his eyes.
And character growth, in and of itself, will begin healing your spots.” I assured him.
“You know, I think I’ve had that one foot out the door mentality since the beginning,” he confessed. “And looking back, it really wasn’t all that much about her.” I admired his honesty.
“Could you make a 100% commitment for 90 days? To be 100% committed to working on your spots, to practicing being present with her every day? To doing everything you can to make your marriage work … with no other options?”
“I can do that,” he stated confidently. And then added: “I guess I had better get that other foot inside and out of the doorway too, before you kick the door closed on it and break it!” we both laughed.
What about you, my friend? Are you ready to commit to the area of your life that you would like to see 10,000% results in?
***
It doesn’t require that much belief or faith. Just 1% or the size of a tiny mustard seed.
It does require that you assess the 20% that will move the needle forward on the area of your life that you desire to impact.
Then it does require that you go ALL IN … 100% commitment!
The results? 10,000% fulfillment, success, and influence on the results you desire! WOW!
Get in the game! 100% in. Don’t settle for less!
Get the results you desire and deserve! Or as Matthew Mcconaughey says: “Don’t half ‘a**’ it!” (https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2IxMGhuxxl/?igsh=bWJtcmZmYjRyZnpv)
I love what John Maxwell says:
“Everything worthwhile is uphill. That climb is what keeps so many individuals and leaders stuck grounded … it’s intimidating, and it’s hard work. But the climb is necessary if you want to shift your life from a place of frustration to a place of fulfillment.”
There’s nothing like living in fulfillment!
