“Someone should write your story,” a renowned and very creative songwriter told me a few years ago.
I remember looking at him and saying,
“There’s not much to my story …
Just a scared little girl who’s passionate
about helping others heal.”
“But you make it look so easy…
And people would have even more
appreciation for your gifts and talents
if they knew your journey,”
he argued.
Fast forward… I recently had a very successful coach say to me:
“You healed from trauma and got your life back.
That combo is rare.
You lived it, you solved it, you systemized it.
That’s not inspiration. That’s infrastructure.
You’re here on earth to build a network of people
who carry YOUR method into places you’ll never reach!
That’s your lane … NOW … stay in it!”
Boom!
Like a baseball bat in the gut…
Except in a good way.
An epiphany of yes-es!
So, I’m writing a bit of the story that led me to the place I am.
I grew up on Galveston Bay.
A little girl terrified of everything.
I had a mother who many called an angel here on earth.
I had a father who was hell on wheels.
Because of the extreme fear I had,
along with a reading disability,
I know they both worried about my potential.
My dad, who was sidelined as a potentially great athlete
with a serious injury … wanted sons to live his dreams through.
My mother had dreamed of being a mommy
to two little girls, her whole life.
Obviously, her prayers were heard.
She gave birth to my sister,
and two years later … me.
I don’t think that was the only thing that my dad was angry about …
He came from a very dysfunctional family.
His father was an alcoholic.
My dad began working at 10 or 11 years old,
to try and help to support the family.
I’m sure there were plenty of other things
in his life that he had to be angry about.
Sad to say, that anger was acted out
in our home with what we used to call spankings.
But I now know they were more like beatings.
He yelled at us in ways that terrified me,
and did other cruel things that marked both of us for life.
Perhaps someday I’ll write more about that.
But for now, it’s just to lay the foundation of understanding …
That I, too, experienced trauma early on in my life.
My mother did her best to protect us,
and I’m sure that standing between him and us
cost her more than she ever let us know.
Thankfully, my dad had a “come to Jesus” experience that transformed him.
After that, in some very tender and meaningful ways,
he asked for forgiveness
and did his best to make things right.
Like most, it was all new territory for him to do so.
I guess you might say, I got the chance to help him be
what I longed for him to be in those moments when he
fumbled and stumbled
to articulate his heart.
My dad’s redemption proved, that heroes never die
when they change and resurrect.
First, I share that with you
because I’m grateful for that.
But secondly, to let you know
that even that redemption did not
erase the effects of the trauma.
Did I forgive him?
Of course I did!
The moment was profound.
And I hoped that it would erase
the scars that trauma left behind.
It did not.
I’m sharing that with you so that you know
if you’ve forgiven…
the person,
the partner,
the situation,
that traumatized you…
it doesn’t necessarily automatically remove the wounding or the scars.
Although I had two full ride scholarship offers,
one for music,
one for basketball,
I had no real plans after high school …
other than to get married and have kids.
Right after graduation, I went on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic.
The experience profoundly affected me!
Three of the people I met on that trip
we’re going to a Bible college in Waxahachie, Texas.
When I arrived home, the guy I was “promised” to
had made a decision in my absence. To marry my best friend.
Because I was heartbroken and had no plan.
I decided to follow my new friends to go to college in Waxahachie.
I left home knowing there was something terribly wrong with me.
And this began my quest (like you) for searching for answers.
1. What’s wrong with me?
I knew there was something wrong with me.
I thought I wasn’t very smart.
I was so very afraid of life.
After I was dropped off at college,
I was so homesick and had so much separation anxiety
from being away from my mother, that I became very ill.
I went home for the weekend,
and for the first time,
I had the courage to ask my mother,
“What’s wrong with me?”
With tears in her eyes, she said,
“I think you’re just perfect…
but perhaps you’ll find the answers
to why you struggle with fear at that college.”
I returned to school.
I was determined to find the answer.
I talked to a professor I really liked,
and asked her how I would figure that out.
She talked to me about the psychology program,
and my journey began.
First,
my associates degree,
then my bachelor’s degree,
then my master’s degree,
then my doctoral degrees.
I learned a lot of theory.
I learned the value of research.
But the only answers that I got to my life’s dilemma
were from one professor who is still my mentor
and dear friend today…Dr. Pat Love.
Hers were the only classes that taught
anything about doing counseling or
healing work with people.
The chair of the department said in one of my classes:
“Don’t go into private practice because
you can’t really help people enough to make a living.”
Pat left the school to go out and make a difference
in the world doing…
healing programs,
therapy,
workshops,
seminars.
You’ve likely seen her on Dr. Phil or Oprah.
A year after she left,
I left with “Dr.” in front of my name.
BUT… with only a few skills about how
to help people that I learned from her.
I went to see her and told her
I’d gone to grad school to find out
what was wrong with me and left with no answers.
Her response changed my life.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Neecie!
I read your life story that you had to write
as part of your thesis program.”
She paused and leaned in close and spoke this defining moment.
“What’s wrong is what happened to you.
Go study with the masters, and find the answers you need…
then take that healing to the world!”
2. Where did I get grit, grace and gratitude?
I opened my private practice in the offices of Dr. Harville Hendrix,
one of the first masters I studied with.
I spent the next few years studying with…
Pia Melody…
Dr. John Bradshaw…
Dr. Maya Angelou…
Tony Robbins…
and many neuroscientists.
With each class, seminar, training or meeting with them…
I took copious notes.
I put together various healing pieces from each of them.
Then I began creating my own.
I used them on myself, and my life began to transform.
As I took them into my practice, my waiting list grew.
My business partner, and I decided
there’s no way we could help everyone
in need on our waiting list.
So, we began to do workshop s
and seminars … where we did these healing exercises.
As those filled up…we saw an even deeper need.
And that was…
That the treatment centers that were treating
addiction,
depression,
anxiety,
were all missing an important piece.
They did a great job with medication,
with the 12-step program,
and with a supportive environment.
But their recidivism rates were very high.
Clients/patients had a brief respite
but then most relapsed … and got worse.
About that time, the word “trauma”
began to emerge in a way
that was broader.
Previously, it had only been used with our veterans.
Veterans who suffered from PTSD.
But our field was beginning to understand
that many unfortunate life events
created and had traumatic effects on us.
We found that those referred to us
after treatment, had one commonality
that kept them going back to treatment.
You might wonder … what was it?
100% of the time, it was…
the branding…
the scarring…
the wounding…
from trauma that internally remained unaddressed.
We put together an intense healing program
and opened an inpatient treatment center first.
Followed by an outpatient treatment center.
We were so grateful to have cracked the code!
And our recidivism rates were very low.
At times, the lowest known in the world.
(Yes, you read correctly…we knew and had ALL the data.
Our center had the lowest recidivism in the world!)
You may be wondering what happened to my fear?
What happened to whatever was wrong with me?
I uncovered a secret along the way.
I didn’t just wake up … healed.
Or find I was healed enough
to start all of this.
As I said…
As I worked with masters,
I used the exercises on myself.
And I definitely got some healing and got better.
But it wasn’t until I began pouring it out…
and sharing it with others…
first in my private practice,
then in workshops and seminars,
then in treatment centers…
That my real healing and fulfillment emerged.
Yes, you can say…I lost my life … to find it!
As I helped people conquer their fear,
mine disappeared.
As I helped people discover there was nothing wrong with them…
It was what happened to them…
that question in me dissolved too!
I learned that fear and anger
could not survive in the presence of gratitude.
I began living from a place of gratitude.
I’d grown up…
-scared,
-filled with fear,
-wanting faith,
-but afraid to believe,
-weak,
-undisciplined with my life.
I realized that in the process of developing healing programs…
I began living from a place of grit, grace, and gratitude!
By giving myself I was healing myself!
Since that time,
it’s been my desire and passion to see people heal,
and live from that same place of fulfillment I had found …
with grace, grit, and gratitude!
3. How I ended up in “this lane?”
I began doing lots of training in professional settings.
The healing tools and techniques were obviously effective,
and I assumed that every practitioner in the world
would want to know how to be more effective.
That was the case a lot of the time.
And I made many friends in my field of colleagues.
But what surprised me most was this…
many of them would say things to me
after taking my trainings like:
“I just don’t want to work that hard!”
I was stunned.
It wasn’t hard work!
It was a passion and dedication!
It’s “roll up my sleeves” and help people heal!
As the numbers of people experiencing trauma grew,
I realized that the resources for healing
were few compared to the need.
I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.
So, I began offering the training to people
who simply had a heart to see others heal.
I discovered something very interesting.
Those who were the most effective…
transforming trauma to triumph…
were those who’d healed from trauma themselves.
So, my focus began to turn to equipping others.
Because the numbers of people
experiencing trauma are rising.
Exponentially!
So that’s my primary Lane.
After about 20 years in this lane,
in supervising many coaches,
I found that in many cases,
The trauma healing journey
for their clients looked like this…
· Extreme gratitude for someone who “got it”
· Healing steps as the healing journey began
· Rocky at first, but great progress quickly.
· Realizing transformation
· Hitting a plateau
· Or worse … getting stuck.
NOW I KNOW …
There’s one more step in trauma healing
to step into a life of fulfillment…
And that’s about contribution and helping others heal.
I’m doing a workshop on that very soon,
and it’s absolutely free!
Wanna join me for it? Click this link: https://institute.drneecie.com/TheMissingStep
Without the step I’ll share,
Me/we/us will end up in an endless-healing-loop.
Because I’ve tasted the beauty of fulfillment,
I never want to see anyone end up in that loop.
But instead to end up in the endless loop of fulfillment!
******
I remember the first time I heard the quote attributed to Henry David Thoreau: “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with their songs still in them.”
At that time,
I just hoped I would find a song in me.
In case you haven’t noticed … the song is in me!
I’m standing on top of every mountain
I can find singing it at the top of my lungs.
If the song had a title, it would be:
“May everyone heal from trauma!”
My greatest passion is to equip
as many people as possible
to facilitate that healing with
great love, respect, and transformational belief!”
If you’ve read much of what I’ve written,
you know that my worldview is
one of … believing in God.
You see,
I don’t believe that I was ever
so smart or so talented
that I figured all of this out on my own.
I believe that somehow God heard the many nights
in my youth and my young adult life
when I cried out for help.
I always promised Him that if He would help me
figure out how to heal … I would pass it on.
I’ve had the privilege of passing it on
to hundreds of thousands of people
around the globe.
And now I feel I’ve been called to an even higher place
of training and equipping others.
What an honor!
What a life!
I’m deeply grateful and honored to be used for this mission.
When we give life … we find life!