“Here I am … still broken, and you want me to share the little bit of healing I’ve experienced?” a client asked me from a place of what she thought was depletion.
Later, she thanked me for “pushing her out of the nest”.
No, I didn’t push her out of her healing process.
But out of what I call the “endless healing loop”.
What do I mean by that?
Well … this may not land well
with some of my colleagues.
But I believe that healing is a journey.
Not a destination.
We will ALWAYS be healing
and growing if we become
all we were created to be.
People work on healing their trauma,
and make some progress.
Then something else
gets “triggered” or pops up.
That will ALWAYS be the case.
But there comes a time
that if all we do is healing…
healing…
and more healing.
We become the Dead Sea.
Giving away what we do have (how we’ve healed)
is (actually) the key step to multiplying
our own healing … exponentially.
Most people don’t know that this step is CRUCIAL to their healing.
So, they never take it!
-It’s an ancient principle with modern proof:
what you sow, you will reap.
-And another…if give up your life
you’ll find your life.
You see it in nature. If you keep the seeds in your pocket, no flowers or fruit or veggies will grow.
But when you plant them in fertile ground, you have a rich harvest on its way.
And reaping changes your need into abundance.
And abundance brings us peace and joy and life.
Now even my field of neuroscience validates that giving away what we’ve received doesn’t deplete us… It fills us and multiplies us.
Research done at the Cleveland Clinic (2022) found that acts of generosity activate our mesolimbic reward pathway. When it’s activated … our brains release all the “feel good” hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins.
Those chemicals are used by our brains to create feelings of
healing,
safety,
and joy.
Isn’t that what we are all seeking?
Too many times, we limit “giving” to religious concepts.
(I’m a person of deep faith too.)
But giving isn’t just a spiritual concept,
it’s a biological reality.
When we share the healing that we’ve received, we don’t lose it.
We solidify it AND multiply it.
It solidifies even further every time we share it!
Healing grows when it’s in motion, not when it remains in storage.
Revisiting our healing path by giving it away
turns hope into a way of life.
Clients will never end up in an endless healing loop on my watch.
Why? Because I know the secret to get them
to an endless loop of…fulfillment!
- When Healing Stops Flowing: The Dead Sea Effect
In Israel, I got to visit a place that’s rich in minerals yet completely dead and lifeless … the Dead Sea.
It was fun to see children out in the water.
With no floaties or life vests.
Because all you can do is float in it.
You see, the Jordan River flows in, but absolutely nothing flows out.
The result?
The water stays, but life simply can’t.
That’s what unshared healing often looks like.
When everything flows in …
all the coaching,
the therapy,
the workshops,
the insights,
even the peace that comes with the healing work …
but nothing flows out …
our inner life begins to stagnate.
We may still look “ok”
or even “better” on the outside.
But inside …something vital feels missing.
There’s no current.
No renewal.
The University of Zurich conducted a study in 2020.
They found people who intentionally shared emotional support or mentorship with others after their own recovery from trauma had significantly lower rates of depression and anxiety relapse.
Those who kept their healing private
continued to struggle with depression and anxiety.
In other words, helping others helped them. Healing that ends with us is incomplete.
Healing that moves through us becomes abundant and multiplies.
When you listen to another’s pain,
share what worked for you…
or simply model a calm presence,
you become a living stream.
You become that person you’ve longed to be.
By sharing what’s changed you,
is the surest way that you become that change.
Putting an end to the closed reservoir.
That’s where peace and joy deepen.
Transferring healing actually creates a reciprocal flow.
That’s why I encourage my clients early on in their healing to begin sharing it. I want them to enjoy the benefits of that reciprocal flow!
- From Surviving to Thriving: The Need to Contribute
Human beings have 4 survival needs:
- Security (safety)
- Significance (importance)
- Surprise (variety, adventure)
- Support (love, connection)
These are NEEDS.
Not desires.
Everyone on the planet has them.
The thing that makes us unique
is the order we seek to have them met in,
and they ways in which we get them met.
(There are healthy ways, neutral ways, and unhealthy ways)
Getting these needs are so important. Our survival depends on it,
If we do not intentionally get them met in healthy ways
we will …
give up our goals,
sacrifice our dreams,
and/or violate our own morals,
and our values to get them met.
There are 3 more needs that when met,
move us from surviving to thriving:
- Self-improvement (growth)
- Spiritual growth
- Sharing (contribution, making a difference)
That last one, contribution …
is the bridge between surviving and thriving.
According to Tony Robbins’ Human Needs Psychology model and corroborated by positive psychology research from the University of Pennsylvania (2021), contribution is one of the top predictors of long‑term life satisfaction, even beyond personal achievement.
When we contribute …
through service,
mentorship,
volunteering,
or coaching …
we transcend our perspective of “What did I get?”
At that point, we transform into the perspective of
“Who can I impact?”
It’s here and how…
that healing becomes deeply rooted.
And our story becomes
one of transforming our surviving into thriving.
And our pain into purpose.
Neuropsychologists note that contribution
converts inward healing into outward coherence.
We’ve found that our nervous system stabilizes when sharing with others beause it interrupts the self‑focus that is necessary in the beginning of trauma healing.
That’s why survivors of trauma and unfortunate life events who turn their pain into purpose often experience measurable improvements
in their resilience and life expectancy.
I want that for you!
For all of us!
- What Giving Away Healing Actually Looks Like
“Giving your healing away” doesn’t require some sort of grand gesture.
It might just mean showing up differently in your day-to-day life …
Like consciously and consistently modeling wholeness where you used to model hurt.
Here are some living examples:
- In friendships: Listen to understand. Not to fix. Share parts of your story that remind others that healing is really … possible.
- In family dynamics: Offer forgiveness when possible. Set boundaries where they’re needed. Extend grace where it’s not expected.
- In the workplace: Lead with empathy. Trauma‑informed leadership reduces burnout and increases team resilience (according to a 2023 Harvard Business Review analysis).
- In volunteering or in community work: Mentor youth. Attend or support recovery programs. Join peer‑support circles. A Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence (2021) research project revealed that volunteers experience higher emotional stability and lower cortisol for up to 48 hours after serving.
- In your professional calling: For some, giving the healing away means formalizing it — stepping into coaching, counseling, or teaching roles. Becoming a certified trauma‑informed coach allows your personal transformation to become a ripple effect for hundreds (or thousands) of others.
(I have a program that trains and certifies Life / Trauma Coaches. It’s a life and career altering experience. If you are interested, fill out this application to see if it’s a fit. https://bit.ly/CoachingCertificationApplication)
Whether in conversation,
community,
or career,
your healing creates a pattern others can follow.
Every time you offer the wisdom you once had to fight for … you anchor your peace, joy, fulfillment even more deeply.
*****
Here’s my challenge to you:
Don’t allow trauma to have the last word in your life!
The moment you start giving away your healing,
you stop being defined by what happened
and start being defined by what you do with it.
The world doesn’t need perfect people —
it needs healed ones who are willing to share!
Just imagine what could happen if everyone who had found calm after chaos decided to spread it.
And if everyone who rediscovered joy became a conduit for it.
Healing is contagious — but only when it’s in motion.
Here’s my specific challenge for you this week:
- Identify one way to share your healing with someone else.
- It doesn’t have to be formal … it just needs to flow from your heart.
- It can be as simple as a coffee conversation, a heartfelt text message, a volunteer act. Or just by simply living a calmer, more compassionate version of you. Those around you will notice and derive great benefit from your very presence.
What we choose to give …
Strengthens our healing.
Multiplies our healing.
Moves us forward powerfully to a life of fulfillment!
The more you practice it, the more you become it!
And the more you become it, the more you’ll be it.
And in being it…everything changes!
“Give generously and generous gifts will be given back to you, shaken down to make room for more. Abundant gifts will pour out upon you with such an overflowing measure that it will run over the top!”
Written by Dr. Luke over 2000 years ago.