“How’s this for journaling takeaways and charting negativity?” my client arrived with the largest journal I’ve ever seen in my life. Holding it up to tout his compliance with his homework from our last session.
(I hope you did all the preparation work I outlined in last week’s blog … that he was bragging about his progress on. In case you missed it, it’s not too late. Click here: https://bit.ly/FixedToGrowthMindset)
When I reached for my client’s journal, I was certain that him clutching it tightly, told me that all the pages were not blank!
We both laughed.
But he did flip through pages showing his ticker marks for his negativity.
And his insights and takeaways from the personal growth videos he’d watched.
“You’re right in that I had NO IDEA how much real estate my negativity takes up in my head!” my client noted. “And I was surprised how little personal insights I take in for myself.”
I looked at him inquisitively, and then he clarified.
“I get insights … but they’re for others. And I make sure they don’t apply to me by defending my own self in my own head. Dismissing any possibilities that it might apply to me!”
Another good laugh.
Then he continued: “I had to watch the first video 3 times – the one you suggested about not negotiating with yourself from Tony Robbins. The first time through I just wrote some notes about data to share with others to impress them with what I know …”
Yet another laugh shared.
“The second time, I figured out what my wife and son needed to hear … and I shared the video with them.”
“Then finally, on the third time, I realized what I was doing. And yes, I journaled three takeaways for ME!
· I let fear grow in me by hesitating and overthinking. I need to execute instead of listening to my fear. And get some coaching if I need it – to execute and get myself unparalyzed.
· I need to stop negotiating with myself. Letting my negative brain be in the driver’s seat. I need to decide the small things I will do. And then when the negotiation begins … do it anyway!
· I need to surround myself with people who hold themselves to excellence. I find negative things about those people so I don’t have to feel the challenge. I need to do it anyway!
“GREAT progress!” I assured him.
I hope you have taken on the challenge and had the same progress.
Learned humility is difficult.
Especially when life has kind of worked for us from the place we’re in.
And we’ve settled for that.
But when the best of ourselves calls to us, humility starts from within and calls from without and always brings us to that fork in the road in our head.
And it takes effort to do things that don’t feel “normal’.
Truthfully.
Breaking our dependence on our addiction to “normal” is how we eliminate those forks in the road on our heads.
Time for you to get in the game.
Moving from a fixed mindset toward a growth mindset (or even already having a growth mindset, but desire to advance even further into it):
· Isn’t a “moment” … it’s a journey.
· Isn’t a requirement in life … but adds tremendous value to your life.
· Isn’t easy … but definitely worth it!
The shift isn’t about a quick waving of a magic wand or just deciding to “think more positively.”
It’s a neuropsychological process that involves exercises that calm our brain’s threat responses.
We must learn and reinforce reward circuits in our brain.
Remember … neuroplasticity is on our side.
Our ability to build new patterns or change old patterns …
is absolutely possible!
Let’s get started on the journey.
I’ll share with you the first 3 steps I gave my client, hoping you’ll join us on the journey with these hacks.
1. Identify mistakes and reframe your response with “Error Positivity Training”
“So, which of the hundreds of mistakes I make on a daily basis should we start with?” my client asked.
“We all have plenty of them to choose from. Some of us admit that, and some of us are so busy defending and making excuses – that the mistake disappears in the circus in our mind,” I retorted and continued.
“And some of us become ‘poor me’ victims … blaming others and citing ‘Murphy’s Law’ … and we miss any opportunity to grow and we remain stuck in a fixed mindset.”
“Well, I’ve done all of that … but if you say this will help me, I’ll trust you,” he conceded.
With a smile of acknowledgment, I began.
“When we make mistakes, our brain’s anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) lights up. That’s the part of our brain that is set to detect conflicts, errors, or mistakes. That part happens to all of us.”
I continued: “What happens next is different for those with fixed mindsets and those with growth mindsets.”
I explained the differences to him, and I believe it’s also important for you to note:
· In those with a fixed mindset, the brain goes AWOL (absent without leave). Imaging shows that the activity in that part of the brain drops abruptly.
· In those with a growth mindset, a secondary firing of activity occurs … activity that we call “error positivity (Pe)” in the PFC (prefrontal cortex). Our PFC labels the mistake as “useful data” and begins processing it.
I further explained to him.
“Your brain got set and programmed before you were able to ride a bike to turn off that secondary firing in your brain if you were raised by and/or around people with fixed mindsets. It’s not something you decided … one way or another.”
“But now that we have identified your mindset as ‘fixed’ … we can turn it back on. But it won’t turn itself back on. We must train it to turn on.”
He asked in jest, “You mean you don’t have some remote control for my brain that you can just click it on?”
“I wish I did!” I replied. “I’d not only turn it on for you, but I’d sell those remote controls and become a trillionaire. Because people like your wife would sell their precious treasures to buy one and click it on!”
We both laughed as he confirmed she’d sell her Mercedes C300 convertible for that remote.
Here’s the exercise.
Step by step.
“Get your HUGE journal and do this exercise daily!” I said as I pointed to the journal he came in touting his homework.
· Remove the word “mistake” or “failure” (or other words that you use to send yourself spinning) from your vocabulary.
· Select one “less than desired outcome” from your day.
· Write it out in 3 sentences or less.
· Consider what it taught you. What lesson you could take away from that outcome that would benefit you in the future.
· Say what it taught you out loud. (The sound of your voice lights up various parts of your brain. And creates a combination of learning and regulation).
“You must do this daily over the course of the next 40 days. Don’t miss a single day!” I instructed him.
“Ok, I’ll do it. But what does that do?” he asked.
“Great question!” I responded and continued.
“Repeating the process and saying aloud your insights, along with what you learned, trains your brain to associate ‘mistakes’ or ‘errors’ or ‘less than ideal outcomes’ with curiosity. That turns off the shame-response … and turns off the danger alarm.”
And this, my friends, puts you in charge of your brain.
Steering it toward the growth mindset …
and hitting the accelerator into turbo drive!
And remember, the growth mindset is where…
Clarity…
Creative strategies…
Rich relationships…
Resiliency…
And abundance come from!
You and you alone, control the simplicity over your complexity.
When we don’t overthink but … JUST DO IT … everything begins to change.
Neuroplasticity is yours/mine/ours to start or stop. My vote? Let’s get started!
2. Design some 2-millimeter dopamine hits.
Dopamine.
In many ways, it controls our lives!
And out of control leads to addiction!
(From my friend in AA. “It snuck up on me. My addiction was a progression, as most are. It started as a once in a while occurrence I could take or leave, that graduated into planning life around when I could experience ‘a buzz’. Or, a bump in my dopamine level. Sobriety has given me opportunity to decide my joy.”)
But when we train our brains to release dopamine in the right way, it literally turbo charges our movement toward a growth mindset.
“Oh … how well I know its connection to addiction. I was one of those beer and wine junkies. That used the hits of dopamine from using them to almost send me to rehab,” my client confessed.
“That can happen!” I responded. “But do you know the good side of it?” I inquired.
“Probably not,” he said as he tucked his head in shame.
“Do you know what the size of 2 millimeters looks like?” I asked.
After his shrug, I got up and opened a drawer and pulled out a box of crayons. As I pulled one out and handed it to him, I said, “2 mm is the size of the tip of an unused crayon.”
He looked at me and back at the crayon several times as if he had no idea what he was supposed to do with it.
“I handed you that so you can see how very small 2mm is!” I clarified.
He nodded.
I wanted him to understand that I was getting ready to do some goal setting with him.
But not the “dream big” kind (although that’s good too).
But for this purpose, we’re going to set some mini micro goals.
Why?
Because motivation is driven by small doses of dopamine.
And the more dopamine the more motivation.
It’s a feeding cycle for abundance!
When we set our brains to release dopamine in mini doses, it fuels ongoing motivation … which is a cornerstone to a growth mindset.
Here’s what we know from neuropsychological research:
· Motivation is not driven by completion …
· It’s driven by progress, or the anticipation of progress.
When you train your brain to expect something rewarding, your VTA (ventral tegmental) releases dopamine. VTA is in our midbrain involved in motivation/reward etc.
This creates a natural desire to keep going.
To stay motivated without having to “rev it up!”
These small, consistent doses of dopamine release and create a feedback loop that causes us to maintain effort even when results are slow.
“So, I guess you’re saying that the goal of chugging a 6-pack is to motivate us but the alcohol keeps that from happening?” my client asked innocently.
“Well, the alcohol delivers a ‘buzz’ that’s short lived. But it doesn’t create positive motivation!” I explained. “Nor does counting Facebook likes, watching the fear-based agitating news delivery, etc.”
Here’s the assignment (and you may need a journal as large as the one my client brought in to do these exercises):
· Set “three” 2mm goals each week.
· Break those small goals into micro‑targets (things that could be completed within a few minutes to a couple of hours max).
· At least 3 – 5 micro targets
· For each micro target, assign a small reward
· Check off at least 2 micro targets you completed daily – enjoy the reward assigned to those micro targets
Example: My client set one of his 2mm goals for the week as follows:
Clean out one side of the garage to make room for the truck.
Micro targets & rewards:
· Go thru/organize 2 (of 6) drawers One scoop of ice cream
· Go thru/organize 2 (of 6) drawers One scoop of ice cream
· Go thru/organize 2 (of 6) drawers Hershey’s hot fudge topping
· Put stuff on top in drawers Sit in massage chair at mall
· Load old paint cans into truck Power nap after church
· Take paint cans to dump Play video game an hour
· Buy bike hoist ceiling mounts Buy new power drill
· Install ceiling mounts Order ammo on Amazon
· Sweep that side of garage Wife will do dinner dishes 1
week
(That reward was because she was the one who wanted the garage done).
This stacking of dopamine hits solidifies that pathway for motivation, forming…
New pathways…
New motivation…
New habit formation.
In this, your brain will learn to predict reward from effort in and of itself.
Instead of having to get to end results.
Then … voila … ta dah!
A growth mindset is in the making.
Do this for about 7 weeks … and the pathway will be paved.
Not with good intentions.
But with GREAT progress!
3. Practice “third‑person journaling” at least three times weekly.
My client asked in his typical, humorous style: “You mean you want me to have each clown, trapeze artist, and elephant in the circus in my head … do some journaling?”
I teased back, “Well, that could be a best-selling novel … or perhaps the best reality-show out there if we could film it!”
But let me explain the science behind this as I did for him … before you think it’s just a “joke.”
Often, when we’re doing our normal ruminating about negativity … or the worst thing that could happen … or how we’re just losing at everything we do … (which are all typical of a fixed mindset) … All of this is a process that creates our own stress.
And once again, creating stress hormones that hijack our brains from thinking or doing anything creative or helpful.
Our amygdala (our emotional manager) in our brains, along with our default mode network (DMN) are happy to kidnap and hold captive any creative problem solving, or valuable learning opportunities with self‑critical rumination.
If we continue to do that, we take on the identity and role of a professional victim.
However, research reveals that we can break that pattern in the brain by using third-person language.
Studies using functional MRIs reveals that when we are self-critical, then intentionally switch to using 3rd person language … activates our medial PFC (prefrontal cortex) which helps us with creative thinking, insights, and emotional regulation.
That activity in our medial PFC also decreases the activity of our amygdala which sounds alarms, tells us to prepare for the worst, and is harsh in its judgements.
As I shifted gears, he commented, “So here we go with another opportunity to use my gigantic journal!”
I nodded.
Here’s the exercise:
· Every 2-3 days, take out your journal.
· Make an entry of one of your “less than ideal outcome” moments.
· But write about it in 3rd person (like you’re writing about someone else).
· Be kind, compassionate, and respectful as you write about them.
· Make note of your behaviors, choices, and decisions.
· Without judgement.
· Then end with: “Next time, _______ (your name) could …” Make a suggestion of a better choice or better way of handling it.
· Read it out loud … but where you “wrote” your name or used he/she pronouns, replace it with “I” and “me”
Doing this from the 3rd person shows self-compassion and creates self-regulation and creative problem solving.
You’re able to see it from a different place.
After about 6 -7 weeks of practicing this 3rd person journaling, our amygdala (danger alarm) comes off of auto response, and our PFC (our creative and caring brain) jumps in with creative problem solving.
Once again … growth mindset … here we come!
*****
I say this almost every week.
You cannot simply read these things and expect them to do anything … other than add to your data-filled brain that is rich in knowledge and poor in wisdom.
Please DO the exercises!
Why?
Because they work together to create a miraculous jump to a growth mindset.
· Error Positivity Training improves our creative problem solving and reduces the emotional reactivity to failure.
· Designing 2 mm goals with micro targets … optimizes the dopamine‑reward system for persistence.
· Third person journaling restructures our cognitive and emotional regulation pathways.
In combo, they do a literal rewiring of our brain … toward a powerful and biological growth mindset.
All of these things teach our brain…
That growth is safe.
That growth is fulfilling.
That growth will lead us to all we were created to be.
A fixed mindset is not some sort of character flaw.
It is set because … for some reason (usually trauma related) our nervous system had to wire itself for protection.
DOING these 3 activities (not just reading about them) literally teaches our brain a new narrative about…
Effort.
Motivation.
What’s possible.
I can assure you that it’s greater than anything you’ve ever dreamed of!
AND … I can assure you that life’s challenges and the “stuff” we encounter will stop feeling like a verdict on our character and potential.
Instead, it will feel like a golden invitation to step into all we were created to be.
If your brain is saying, “This sounds much too simple to change anything” … that’s the fixed mindset that will keep you stuck where you are. And barricade your brain off from embracing a growth mindset.
TIME … to grow … let’s do this!