Traumatized my Ministry.
I see you. I hear you. I believe you.
“It was the end of our summer tour. We had pulled into the Bible College where I worked, and he pulled away in my car. I never saw him again. I lost my job (divorce wasn’t acceptable), I had no vehicle, and my ministry was over. In a heartbeat!”
I heard the devastation in her trembling voice. I saw the deep wounds in the tears falling like raindrops. I felt the destruction filling the room.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered to her.
I knew her pain. But I also knew she had no place to turn.
“If I talk to Christians, they say ‘pray and forgive.’ If I talk to people who aren’t Christians, they blame God. So I just keep it deep inside,” she confessed with obvious hopelessness.
Traumatized by ministry.
Please stay with me. I’m not “dog talking” the church. I’m not pointing fingers at Christians or ministries. I’m not exposing or insinuating that God is responsible for this.
I’m simply saying it is real.
It happens.
And there is hope and healing.
Throughout the ages, ministers have “fallen from grace.” People like to point them out. Criticize. Judge.
I’m not interested in any of that.
My heart is to reach those who have been wounded by ministry. Help them heal. And set their lives on fire with purpose.
I know it’s possible.
I am one of the wounded … who found a way to heal … and developed a healing process for others.
“Traumatized by ministry” covers a lot of ground:
- Ministries that have hurt people (realizing that plenty have helped people)
- Ministry leaders who have taken advantage of people (realizing that plenty have led people to great things)
- Those in ministry who have traumatized others (because trauma begets trauma and theirs was unresolved)
- Innocent ministry staff members who looked up to leaders and were betrayed by their choices
- Innocent ministry staff members who were “let go” when a new regime took over
- Innocent ministry staff members who are “unhireable” because of association with ministries that “fell from grace”
- Innocent people led into situations under the influence of those in ministry with poor character
I remember as a Bible College student hearing people say: “Christians are the only ones who assassinate their wounded.”
Of course, that’s not true of Christianity at large. But I understand why it was often said in a ministry training ground.
I’m not angry at anyone. This is not a conspiracy against the church or God.
It’s simply this … people get hurt by ministry.
It traumatizes their souls.
Many turn away from God because of it.
Healing is possible.
If we lay down our weapons and extend hands of healing.
I’ve worked with this issue in silence for over 30 years.
Why in silence?
Because I would never want to give anyone a reason to shy away from churches.
Because I would never want to influence anyone to turn away from God.
Because I would never join the judgment or finger pointing toward any church, ministry, or ministry leader.
However, I can no longer remain silent, because too many are struggling. Too many are left alone in the trenches. Too many are in need of healing.
If this speaks to you … I see you, I hear you, I believe you.
1. What is “Traumatized by Ministry?”
Here’s my definition:
“Any experience involving ministries or ministry leaders that has affected us in any way that diminishes who we are (and/or all we were created to be), dulling our gifts and talents, and causes us to question our faith, our beliefs, and the very calling we built our life around.” — Dr. Neecie
I wish I could sit with you, take your hand, look into your eyes, and say out loud what I say to my clients:
“What happened to you is NOT your fault.
You no longer have to keep it hidden.
We can work through this together.
I know your world has collapsed.
But we can rebuild a better world!”
They often sob. With relief.
Thousands have.
I said to her … “Let me describe what happened to you. In a heartbeat …
Your identity — gone.
Your community — gone.
Your income — gone.
Your purpose and calling — gone.
Your understanding of God — shaken.
The life you built around your calling — crumbled.”
Her face buried in her hands and the deep, heaving sobs told me I had described it correctly.
While well-intentioned Christians told her to pray and forgive … and secular friends told her to get as far away from God and church as possible … she had finally found someone who would say: “I see you, I hear you, I believe you.”
That’s what everyone in the aftermath needs.
As I explained to her — in these moments when our worlds collapse, our nervous system becomes dysregulated in a way that keeps our prefrontal cortex from functioning. We don’t know what to feel, think, or believe.
Many just tuck it away and go through life numb. Disoriented. Lost. Purposeless.
It does NOT have to be that way.
2. How on Earth Can Anyone Make Sense of Life After That?
That’s a common thing people traumatized by ministry think and feel.
“No wonder I couldn’t figure out what to do … I didn’t want to call my family, because my dad already didn’t believe in God. It would push him further away,” she explained.
“I didn’t have anywhere to go or live. I didn’t have any money. I was too ashamed. So I called my sister, even though I was afraid she might turn away from God too.”
“But she loved me so much, she knew that turning away from God would hurt me … so instead she rallied help from family. I can’t remember where I slept that night. I think I slept in the tour van that would go back to the College the next day.”
I could see the horror being relived.
I validated her for being so careful to protect God in that process.
“How did you keep your closeness to God?”
“Well …” she paused and then smiled.
“HE didn’t leave me! HE didn’t abandon me! He showed up in the human form of my family the next day with an old beat-up SUV and a UHaul trailer filled with furniture. We drove until we found a small efficiency apartment I could rent that day … and filled it up with the trailer contents.”
She laughed as she remembered: “Old beaten-up pots, one plate, one fork, one knife. None matching. But I thought I had won the lottery.”
“I got a job as a waitress the next day … and began a new life. I’ve prayed every day that I’d just ‘get over it.’ But I’ve never been the same.”
Quiet tears began to flow again.
“You are a beautiful example of how you can continue to love God, even though his people traumatized you. And I honor your devotion to prayer. I believe in the power of prayer. But I also believe that sometimes we need more,” I explained.
She looked both relieved and curious.
“Jesus’ prayer raised Lazarus from the dead, but he told the people to remove his grave clothes. It’s okay to need more than prayer sometimes.”
Once again, the tears told me we were on the right track.
3. How Can You Ever Be the Same Again After Being Traumatized by Ministry?
You can’t be the same. But you can be better. Much better.
To a faith-filled person, being traumatized by ministry literally rewires everything you once believed.
Doubt fills spaces once occupied by faith.
Cynicism fills spaces once filled with hope.
Shame fills spaces once overflowing with peace and joy.
“That’s exactly what happened to me. I thought he’d come back. My car was found in a parking lot, so at least I had transportation. But I’d poured my life into ministry, and the shame of having the ‘d’ — divorce — tattooed on my forehead told me I’d never have a chance in ministry again.”
I reached out and took her hand. “You might not have a job again at the Bible College. You might not have the opportunity to travel the country in ministry again. But your calling — your purpose — hasn’t changed.”
And neither has yours.
One of the first things I do with people traumatized by ministry is inspire them to stop looking back and trying to recover “what was” — and to begin looking forward to an even more powerful avenue of purpose and calling.
As you heal, it will begin to come forth. I promise. I’ve seen it again and again.
And never once has it been lesser. It has always been greater.
You see — that story is my story.
And it brought me to the kingdom for such a time as this. To develop a healing protocol that has freed thousands from traumatized by ministry … to something greater. Greater freedom. Greater calling. Greater purpose.
I’ve developed a seven-step healing process that does just that.
*****
If that’s your story — or one like it — I want you to know something.
You are not alone. You are not forgotten. And you are not finished.
The calling hasn’t changed. The purpose hasn’t been revoked. The wound has simply been waiting for the right hands to help remove the grave clothes.
I know the way through. Because I’ve walked it myself.
And I would be honored to walk it with you.
With Love & Healing Hugs,
Dr. Neecie
“If this is your story — or someone you love — I’d like to stay connected with you. I’m building something specifically for those traumatized by ministry. Be the first to know when it’s ready.”
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