Your Superpower for Growth, Leadership, And Fulfillment
“Why on earth didn’t you tell me that what I needed to do was to get over myself and come through the Coaching program?”
Recently I had a conversation with a man who graduated from my Coaching program about 15 years ago, and he had recently published a book.
He was asking me to write a foreword to the second book in his series, which I was delighted to do.
But it caught me by surprise when he asked me the question I opened the blog with.
He’d come to see me about 17 years ago, because his climb up the corporate ladder was stressing HIM out, stressing HIS WIFE out, and stressing HIS FAMILY out.
After dealing with some early trauma around unrealistic expectations for academic and sports performance … he was able to find balance. His wife was delighted, and he was still advancing in his career.
These are the things that happened to us:
That jar our emotional systems
That our brains store
That we think are no big deal …
That turn into our “unpredictables”
That too often become what everyone else can see …
But we can’t!
A couple of years later, he saw I was doing a coach certification program and asked me if I thought he’d learn skills that would help him in his career. I assured him it would do that … but he didn’t enroll.
That went on repeat for several more of my certification cohorts … and then to my surprise, he showed up.
I answered his question with this: “I often tell people that Coach Training & Certification does many things for people, but I’ve never been ‘push-y’ or ‘sales-y’ about it.”
To be honest, I’ve always been proud that I made it available, but never tried to “sell” it. His next comment took me by surprise:
“Well, I really wish you would’ve been direct with me. I know I was busy and had good excuses. But it was what I learned through that program that took me to the TOP of the corporate ladder and gave me the courage to leap to my dreams of coaching young leaders.”
I congratulated him for his great success.
Then he added the stinger: “I could have done it at least 3 to 5 years earlier … and reached thousands of other young leaders if you had told me to get over myself and enroll!”
ZING!
I assured him I wouldn’t be telling people to get over themselves, but I would be bolder in letting others know what’s possible.
(So here I am doing just that!)
I asked him if he could summarize for me … what it was from the program that made all this all possible for him.
“I can say it very succinctly, because I say it often: ‘I found my superpower, I identified my kryptonite, and I found the courage to help others find truth, justice, and a better tomorrow. Now that’s powerful! And with great power comes great responsibility!”
WOW! Just WOW!
(All it takes is an honest pause to look in and to look out. We KNOW what we need to change … But the challenge is: how do we untangle what’s in us to find the next right steps … Well … that’s why I get up every day … that’s my mission … to help YOU do that!)
I came away from that conversation zinged, but I also felt commissioned.
So, let’s look at the superpower, the kryptonite and the truth, justice and a better tomorrow!
Finding your superpower.
I’ve known for a long time that when people enter the world of coaching … they have a rare and unique opportunity to resurrect the Champion within.
After years of training people, I’ve seen it happen hundreds and hundreds of times. When they unearth that Champion part of themselves (the true self) from the trauma, shame, pain, all of life’s disappointments … they always find all they were created to be.
(Honestly … part of what I do and what I’ve been equipped to do as a therapist, is to help people find a peaceful-pause in the middle of their chaotic life and see the reason for it … THAT is the lighting pf the darkness, that’s WHY I get up every day! I lead them to their miracle, but they do the choosing.)
Whether you call that a superpower, your gifts, your calling, your mission, your purpose, your cause … whatever you call it … there’s one thing for sure. 100% of the time … 100% of the people … find themselves propelled forward in a powerful way.
That’s not all that happens.
Research shows that people who go through the best coaching programs develop personally in ways that likely wouldn’t have happened otherwise.
Coaches in training get “unstuck.” Research indicates that many people report feeling stuck in their careers, businesses, marriages, relationships, and/or personal growth. The process of learning to rewire your heart drive and heart drive changes that … immediately!
Coaches find greater fulfillment in many other career arenas. They tap into making a difference … regardless of how they use the coaching. Making a difference is what well over 70% of dissatisfied employees cite as the “missing ingredient” in their job, career, or business.
Coaches have the privilege of making major brain changes. When participating in or observing experiential exercises, we know from functional brain imaging … the basal ganglia (responsible for emotions and learning) the prefrontal cortex (responsible for executive function) and the Anterior Cingulate Cortex – ACC – (responsible for balancing emotions and cognitive data) find their congruence and all work together to move us forward in a powerful way.
Coaches also emerge from certification programs with significantly upgraded communication and conflict resolutions skills.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, Coaches in training develop significantly higher resiliency than those who are not trained.
When I was in graduate school, I read a research article that stated that over 50% of people in psychology programs were looking for solutions to their own problems.
I was one of them.
And I wasn’t ashamed of that.
The topic came up one day in a class where the professor said that anyone in the program who was there hoping to solve their own problems should withdraw.
Later at the Pizza Place where we all gathered, the conversation continued. Everyone at the table was considering withdrawing.
I was astonished.
I had a different view.
If we could find solutions to our own issues, I thought we’d be even more effective at helping others. I was the only one in our group (we were all planning to do great things) that went into private practice. Only one other colleague stayed in the field.
Later, I learned that many of them left because they did NOT find solutions for their personal issues.
What a crying shame! And shame on professors who had knowledge … but no experience in the field using it. (I had several professors who did, and one of the, Dr. Pat Love, is still my mentor and dear friend today)!
I didn’t find much in the way of healing or solutions (other than in the classes with those few professors), but I became even more determined to find them. And I did.
I guess you could say it was what has become my coach training and certification. I studied with Masters in the field (plus private therapy sessions with Dr. John Bradshaw) and found my superpower … helping others heal from trauma (with a little help from above too!)
Identifying Your Kryptonite
What is Kryptonite anyway?
(Just in case you forgot or have never seen Superman).
It’s known to be whatever causes you to become weak and/or lose your power.
In the world of coaching … it’s considered the fall-out from trauma. Those things that cause us to live in ways that are less than all we were created to be, do, and have.
(Trauma FORCES us … without our knowing, to rewire the original “us” into the survival version of ourselves. The greater the intensity, the greater the drama version of ourselves we become. It’s that simple but that complex and that’s why I get up each day! To UNDO what trauma has done!
Things that cause us to live a lesser version of ourselves could be:
Disempowering beliefs
Believing lies (about ourselves, about life, etc)
Following scripting that was planted in us early in life (or even in the womb)
Using addictions to help us cope
Or a plethora of other things.
In the coaching certification process, we all become aware of our Kryptonite. (No, we don’t call it that … I’m just using the metaphor my client gave me about his experience in Coach Training).
We become aware as we journey towards certification, that we have a hard drive and heart drive that was programmed before we entered kindergarten. And it continued to be programmed with trauma and unfortunate life events.
The programming became greater than our hopes, our dreams, and all we desire. I’ll give you an example from my client that zinged me with his question.
As a boy, he had unrealistic expectations in academics and sports.
His mom had plans to become an attorney, but when she became pregnant with him in high school, she had to leave school and later got her GED.
She displaced those hopes and dreams on to him. She was determined to have him reading books before kindergarten. She gave him reading lessons and he wasn’t allowed to play until he could read 3rd grade books (and remember, this was before kindergarten).
His dad had been scouted to play pro baseball, but a serious shoulder injury in a motorcycle accident sidelined him. He was determined to have his son live out his dreams.
He was forced to strike his dad out 5 times before he was allowed to go to baseball practice (which he didn’t want to go to anyway). He played in the Little League in 1st grade. (He was forced to skip Dad’s pitch and T-ball.)
The academic pressure and athletic performance requirements only increased through the years.
No surprise that he climbed the corporate ladder.
When he came to me because his marriage was falling apart … we found that he had programming on his hard drive that said:
You MUST work longer and harder than anyone else or you’re worthless.
If you take time for frivolous activity (like family outings), you’re a loser.
If you allow stress and pressure to wear you down, you’re a whimp.
He had NO IDEA those were the “programming’s” on his heart and hard drive that kept him at the office 15-16 hours a day. That those were the things made family outings torturous for him.
When we reprogrammed all of that … he continued excelling in his career, but he also created the time to spend joyful and meaningful time with his wife and his family. The balance brought renewal of love, and connection with his kids above all he dreamed of!
We all have programming we are unaware of. That programming directs EVERYTHING. And it continues to do so until we identify it as our Kryptonite and do something about it.
Personally, I had programming that almost stole my career.
As a child, I could not read. I had a reading disorder, but no one knew anything about that at the time. I heard my teachers talk about me not being smart, and my dad told me that often. Calling me a “village idiot” and “stupid.”
I was opting out of college and making a plan to just settle for a menial job. But I’d always longed to help people. Probably because I knew I needed help.
(It’s usually a profound-simple-moment that changes everything. When we see what we need to own … and what was never ours to own may seem simple. But that truth … those moments as a therapist I live for … become everyone’s profound-awakening.)
When I realized that the programming about my intelligence was running my life, I knew what my Kryptonite was. I debunked it and have earned five degrees!
Don’t let your Kryptonite determine your future!
Hey Super-You … What’s your truth, justice, and better tomorrow?
The hundreds and hundreds of people who’ve come through my coach training certification program over the years came for different reasons, and hoping for their own unique outcomes.
But they all graduate with one thing in common … a deep desire to create better tomorrows!
And you don’t have to be a Superman or a Superwoman to do that.
Most people enroll for reasons that fit one of these categories:
To heal or conquer something in their lives
To get through major adversity
To learn coaching skills to enhance their current career
To transition to a coaching career
To use in volunteer work
I have seen people use their certification in so many amazing ways:
Becoming a better nurse in the Emergency Room
Becoming a more equipped physician in trauma centers
Improving skills working with students as teachers and administrators
Opening new practices
Coaching sports from a skillset/mindset perspective
Enhancing relationships
Gaining the courage to step into entrepreneurship
Providing better support as a clergy member
Building more effective sales teams
Training teachers to handle and support students living in trauma
Writing books for children experiencing trauma
Addressing trauma in ministry settings
Researching trauma and its impact
Unraveling trauma and programming in premarital counseling
Healing trauma to become a better parent
Gaining sobriety by addressing the trauma that fuels addiction
Empowering the homeless to take their lives back
Public speakers (and ministers) delivering with more clarity and effectiveness
The list goes on
But as you can see … the one thing they all have in common was in creating better tomorrows for as many people as possible.
(From my AA friend. “Serving others is a truth that changes you. It’s a mystery that works every time, always for good. We struggle to give of ourselves until we begin doing it. Serving defines the love we’ve never had and the love that became the center of our selfish addiction.”)
Coaching is more than just a profession; it’s a calling for people who want to make a meaningful difference.
Many graduates report that their training transformed their parenting, marriages, finances, family relationships, and friendships long before they worked with their first client.
The skills and experiences in the certification process become a lens through which you see the world differently. It will change and enhance your worldview.
If “creating better tomorrows” became a standard for all of us, how different would our world be!
*****
Research reveals that there has never been a greater need for individuals who can help others navigate life’s challenges.
Since new research reveals that over 90% of the population has experienced some form of trauma (stuff that rewired them) … trauma-informed coaching is more needed than ever.
The numbers of people desiring coaching far exceed those trained in experiential and transformational processes.
Coaching is more than just a profession; it’s a cause or calling for people who deeply desire to make a meaningful difference. In their part of the world.
Becoming a certified coach isn’t just about gaining a credential (something to hang on your wall … although you get that too).
It’s about getting equipped to step into a role that facilitates growth, contribution, and the priceless opportunity to make a lasting impact on others.
Whether you’re seeking personal (or spiritual) growth, a career change, or just the chance to help others in a meaningful way, coaching certification could be the beginning of an incredible journey.
Imagine what it would feel like to guide someone toward the life they’ve always dreamed of … and to know that you played a pivotal role in making it happen?
(Remember the certification process will teach you the process that changes you. And as you give it to others, the process of doing so will transform your abilities. You’ll find your superpowers and where the kryptonite is hiding.)
I’m not going to tell you to “get over yourself and enroll” in this coach training and certification program. But don’t miss a great opportunity to become an even greater blessing than you already are!
These are the things that happened to us: