“I’ve read a lot of your stuff, and I know that you’re going to talk to me about gratitude. It’s a theme for you. And I appreciate that. But what is gratitude going to do for me in this lonely holiday season?” My new client asked with a shaky sound of desperation in her voice.
After hearing how her boyfriend had walked out on her, and how her family was on another continent…I understood her desperation.
She’d moved here for him. And now couldn’t afford to get to family for the holidays. She’d only been here a short time. Her corporate gig was allowing her to work from home, continuing the job she had back in her home country… so she’d not really met many people yet. She was totally alone.
I validated her concerns about a lonely holiday, and we spent a few sessions strategizing about the holidays. We came up with a few ideas she was investigating, and began her grief work.
At that point, I did say, with a big warm smile: “You came in expecting me to speak about gratitude, and I certainly would not want to disappoint you.”
With a slight look of embarrassment, she responded: “I hope I didn’t offend you, and I’m glad we are going to speak about it!”
I don’t know what you may be experiencing in your life at this point. Perhaps you too are worried about a lonely upcoming holiday. Perhaps your business launch didn’t go well. Perhaps…you’re in a fabulous place. I hope that’s the case!
I do know that no matter where we are in life, gratitude is like having a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that’s within our reach at all times!
Because of that, it is indeed a theme in my work. And I would like to share some of that with you. I will do so by sharing three golden nuggets from your pot of gold called gratitude.
1. Health and emotional benefits.
I have written often about the many benefits of gratitude. Here are some of those that research provides:
- Increases production of dopamine, which assists in healing grief or a broken heart
- Reduces resentment
- Decreases depression
- Synchronizes our heart and brain waves
- Makes us more resourceful
- Diminishes agitation
- Creates deeper connections in relationships
- Boosts feelings of joy
- Calms anxious feelings
- Improves immune system functionality
- Enhances heart health
- Promotes greater productivity in the workplace
- Sharpens memory and recall
- Lessens numbers of visits to physicians significantly
- Maximizes one’s ability to deal with challenges or concerns
- Increases empathy and compassion
- Upgrades the quality of sleep
- Expands resiliency
- Improves self esteem
- Lifts self confidence
- Creates more generosity in us
- Jolts our level of optimism upward by an average of 15%
- Reduces impatience
- Supports more effective decision making
- Promotes greater desire to exercise
- Assists in recovery from addiction
- Attracts people to us
- Boosts energy levels
- Relieves pain by an average of 30%
- Enhances progress toward career goals
- Adds years to your life (increases longevity)
I think we could all just take a moment and admit that if that is what is available to us, that’s all the reason that we need to practice gratitude! Regularly!
You/me/we (over a period of time) have the power to transform our day-by-day worldview! OR maybe better said…how we see and perceive everything!
For a moment, I would like to focus in on two things that we all are challenged with that cannot exist in the presence of gratitude:
- Anger…that frustration, that BLEEP (or whatever you want to call it)
- Anxiety…the fear, the worry, the nervousness (or whatever you want to call it)
I would say that most everyone who comes into my office is struggling in some ways with one or both of these.
My new client was no exception. She was struggling with anger about moving across the ocean and being abandoned. Rightfully so! And with the fear of what would happen next in her life.
As we began our conversation about gratitude, I validated that she had a right to be angry, and to be worried or concerned about her future.
However, I explained that research has shown us that:
- When those thoughts or feelings come to us
- If you can press pause on them before 90 seconds have passed
- And practice 3 minutes of gratitude …
IT WILL ERADICATE THOSE FEELINGS.
Yes! Literally wipe them out!
Maybe only for a few moments in the beginning, but the more you press pause and practice gratitude, the longer the relief continues.
“I will be happy to do that. But I’m not sure I even know how to ‘practice gratitude’,” she said with a pleading tone.
Sad to say ,,, many people do not. There are two things that I gave her to begin her practice, and I’d like to share them with you as well.
I asked her, “Is there anything in your life that you are thankful for?”
At first, she seemed perplexed. But then she said quietly: “Well I’m thankful for the view of the pond with a fountain in the middle of it that I can see from my kitchen window.”
I nodded and smiled. Then waited.
“And for the laughter I can hear when kids come to feed the ducks,” she said as her eyes lit up.
She went on. It was delightful!
Although at the moment she didn’t need the second tip for practicing gratitude…I gave it to her for the future!
I said, “Let’s practice the alphabet of gratitude. Start with the letter A. Tell me one thing you’re thankful for that begins with an A.”
With a smile she began, “Apples. Candy apples. We don’t have those in my country. And… I love them!”
I continued: “Now start with something you’re thankful for that begins with a B.”
“Beauty. The beauty of autumn.”
“Now the letter C?”
“Christmas music! It makes my heart glad! And it’s almost that time of year!”
We continued all the way through the alphabet to the letter Z.
“Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah days!”
All of these benefits listed above come with these kinds of moments of gratitude.
And remember, fear and anger cannot exist in its presence!
(In the words of my AA recovery friend… “Every Friday on our daily online zoom meeting is ‘Gratitude Friday’. I love what John W. who chairs our meeting shares at the beginning of every Gratitude Friday meeting… “It’s impossible to be pissed off and grateful at the same time. As matter of fact…it’s impossible to be anything but…thankful…when you practice gratitude. Our every negative emotion must surrender its hold on us, when practice a simple pause and give thanks.”)
2. Expand what’s possible!
One of the things I love about gratitude, is giving thanks for things I don’t have yet.
I shared this with my client, and how she burst in with a comment: “I’m thankful I’m winning the lottery!”
We enjoyed the laugh together, as I explained that I’m not talking about things like the lottery that we have no influence over. But things you would love to have in your life that we do have some influence over. But they aren’t there yet.
It’s a way to activate faith.
“I love this idea,” she said and continued. “But is that some of that new age mystically strange stuff?”
I chuckled because I thought the same thing the first time I heard something like this.
I shared with her: “I’m not even sure what new age is anymore. But I learned about this from a very dear mentor of mine.” She leaned in as I went on.
“She said that a very wise ancient writer said: ‘God calls those things which do not exist as though they did. And that when we give thanks for those things that do not exist…we’re opening the possibility for them to exist’.”
I asked her if there was anything that did not exist in her life that she would like to be thankful for?
With a sheepish look on her face, she almost whispered. “I’m thankful that I will find love again, and this time it will be real.”
It touched me, but her own words touched her even more deeply.
[A note…In 1985 when he was unknown, world renown actor/comedian Jim Carrey made an audacious decision. He wrote himself a $10 million check for ‘acting services rendered’. He dated it 10 years into the future and kept it in his wallet. Call it a coincidence or faith fulfilled, but in November 1995, Carrey found out that he was cast in the movie “Dumb and Dumber” for…you guessed it…$10 million! So gratefully…let’s think it…say it…write it because as someone has said…until it’s on paper it’s vapor!]
What could you give thanks for that would activate faith and expand your horizons? I remember when I learned this, I gave thanks that I would own a home with a beautiful view.
Here I sit writing this at my computer in my office… that looks out over a golf course, with a beautiful pond, and baby ducks paddling around.
3. The positive impact on others.
When I shared this third nugget of gold regarding gratitude, she commented with hope in her voice: “That sounds so good to me. It feels like if I could do something that would be good for someone else, this season would not be as difficult!”
“Well research has shown that gratitude does just that!”
I could tell I had her undivided attention.
As I explained to her, “We have a lot of research on how the giver and receiver of gratitude results in an explicit positive impact on both.
The Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology released a study, looking at more benefits of gratitude.
The findings indicated that even someone witnessing a person expressing gratitude to another person (whether they witnessed it in person, in a video clip, or even on a Hallmark movie) … there were reverberating consequences to the one witnessing.
I explained to her, “That means when you express your gratitude to someone, whether you are thanking them for opening a door for you, or for inviting you to a gathering…those who witness your expression of gratitude receive many of the benefits listed in point # 1 above.”
I continued.
“So, if you go throughout your day expressing gratitude, you’re adding great benefits to yourself, to the one receiving your gratitude or thankfulness, and to anyone who happens to witness it.”
She was delighted and committed to doing this often … hoping to help anyone going through a difficult time like hers.
Think about it my friend. What if we all went throughout the day expressing gratitude? We could ignite a revolution.
Spreading great physical, emotional, social, and spiritual benefits. All compounding into a cascade of wonder for so many!
Are you in? Will you be one of those expressing gratitude often?
I believe you will, and research says the results will be amazing!
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content and thankful. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance, and need.”
Paul an Apostle…from a prison in Rome
Gratitude.
There’s not one negative thing that can be associated with the state of a content and grateful heart. It changes how we look forward … and keeps us from looking back. It keep us in the moment.
And gratitude does not cost one dime.
Yet the results are priceless.
I think of gratitude as a great combination of meditation, presence, intentionality, grace, and giving.
It causes us to slow down.
To live a meaningful life.
To overcome worry, anger, anxiety, frustration.
My hope and prayer for you is that you will live in the power and grace of gratitude.
Not just through the holiday season, but ALWAYS!
NOW…is all we ever get. So, let’s choose to be grateful for ourselves and those we love.
Good things begin to happen when we’re grateful and living in the present moment!
