“I’m pretty sure you told me last week when I asked you how you could be sure that the problem I was facing was due to my limiting beliefs. I’m also fairly sure that you told me that the answer (to whether or not I had them) would be found, like the proof in the pudding, by looking at my life.”
He paused reflectively and continued.
“I’ve done a lot of thinking about that, and if that’s true, my pudding is pitiful!”
I assured him that nobody wanted pitiful pudding. But even if that were true, that he could truly rewire his brain.
He could cut the wires to the limiting beliefs and rewire them to empowering beliefs that would take his life in the direction he was longing for.
The same is true for you, my friend.
Neuroplasticity, our ability to rewire and change our brains (and our lives) … is one of the miraculous scientific discoveries and properties of our brain.
However, left to itself, our neurochemistry will drive deeper grooves for our liming beliefs. I’m sure you’ve heard the story about the value of an object depending on whose hands it is in. Here is a variation of it:
A basketball in my hands is worth about $29.
A basketball in Michael Jordan’s hands is worth about $2 billion.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.
A baseball in my hands is worth about $26.
A baseball in Nolan Ryan’s hands is worth $80 million.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.
A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Roger Federer’s hands is a Wimbledon Championship.
It depends on whose hands it’s in.
Michael Jordan did not get to where he is by luck.
He got there by his legendary consistent, admirable work ethic.
As he said: ““I don’t do things half-heartedly. Because I know if I do, then I can expect half-hearted results.”
Your brain in your hands can accomplish miraculous and amazing things. But it requires a consistent, admirable work ethic.
It’s that SIMPLE and it’s the DIFFICULT.
I know. I’ve watched them.
People smirk at the simplicity of the miracle that’s within their control to rewire their brain, their life … And yet far too many settle for more of the same.
And that, my friends, is tragic!
I hope you’re as committed to this journey as my client was.
It will not happen without dedication on your part.
But as I said last week… And still believe it to be true … Your life, your marriage, your family, your future are all worth it!
I hope you will stay with me on this journey.
Let’s DO this!
1. Where do limiting beliefs come from?
You’ve heard me say it before the science is in … limiting beliefs begin in the womb.
Then from our first breath to around 7 or 8 years old, the limiting beliefs of our significant caregivers (parents, extended family, babysitters, nannies, coaches, etc.) are passed along and more times than not are tattooed into us.
I’m sure you’ve heard the story of cutting both ends of the ham off before you cook it.
For years, people believed that cutting the end of the ham off was the only way a ham would have the very best flavor.
But when tracking the story back, it was found that it originated because grandma’s ham would not fit into the pot.
I believe our limiting belief that it would not be delicious without the ends cut off only created pounds and thousands of pounds of wasted ham!
“I’ve been thinking a lot about where my limiting beliefs came from,” my client stated.
“I always said I didn’t want to be like my dad. Yet in so many ways I’m just like him. I’ve wondered. Is the reason I might be so much like him is because I picked up his limiting beliefs?” he asked.
As I nodded with understanding, I responded: “That’s a very good possibility. What could you give me as an example?”
“Well, as a child, I heard him talk often about what a great athlete he could’ve been. He spoke about games he won and trophies he was awarded.”
He leaned in and continued.
“Then he would whine with regret that he never got to … because he had a house full of kids and big responsibilities.”
I nodded with understanding. My client continued.
“I hated it when he did that, but I swore I would never do that kind of thing.”
He leaned back and went on.
“Then as an adult I found myself expressing regret that I did not get to pursue a career in the sports I loved.”
I asked him: “What do you think the limiting belief was for your dad in that?”
Immediately he responded … without even pausing.
“When he was older, he admitted that he really believed he could not have made it in the big leagues because he was too small in size.”
I leaned toward him and asked, “And what was your limiting belief about not pursuing a career in sports?”
His eyes immediately reddened as he looked at the floor and said, “That my hands were too small to master the ball.”
I empathized as the realization that he’d taken on his father’s limiting beliefs sunk in deeply.
The other place that limiting beliefs typically come from are moments of trauma. Here are some examples of moments of trauma that indelibly branded limiting beliefs on the hard drives (brains) and heart drives (spirit) of clients I have worked with:
Trauma: A young woman who as a little girl was sexually molested
Limiting belief: No one will ever want me.
Trauma: A little boy was run over by a car
Limiting belief: I cannot trust anyone or the world around me. Life is not safe.
Trauma: A young man driving a vehicle that was t-boned and killed his girlfriend
Limiting belief: I’ll never get over this. I’ll always be looked at as a criminal.
Whether limiting beliefs were passed onto you, or whether they were branded in you because of trauma … you do not have to let them remain at the helm of the ship of your life!
Don’t shift into overwhelm or apathy, if you WANT to make the difference for YOU, only YOU can.
2. How do you access them?
“I sure wish there was some kind of scan like an MRI for limiting beliefs that would light them up so I could get to work on them.” my client moaned.
I chuckled as I responded: “I bet you do! That would certainly make it so much easier!”
“But we aren’t stuck with them even if there’s not a scan to light them up.”
My client immediately asked.
“I sure hope you have some plan for how I can access them and get rid of them … because I’m tired of my life going in the direction it’s going!”
I admired his determination.
I assured him that there was a way for us to access them. Here are the basics steps for doing so:
- Look at the areas of your life where you are dissatisfied. Take time and be honest with yourself.
- Consider what you are doing/not doing that keeps you from where you would desire to be in that area of your life.
- Ask yourself what keeps you from doing the things that would make that area of your life much better?
- Ask yourself what keeps you doing the things that prevent you from moving forward in the way you desire in that area of your life.
- Then ask yourself: “What thoughts or beliefs keep you from doing the things you would need to do? Or keep you doing the things that you need to cease?” Write them down and take your time.
- What thoughts or beliefs keep you doing the things that you need to cease?
Now you are in the arena of the limiting thoughts or beliefs.
Just for an example, I walked with my client through the first area of his life that he was disappointed with. He selected his relationship with his wife.
He shared that his dissatisfaction was the lack of intimacy.
I asked what he was doing/not doing that was preventing them from being where he desired to be on the intimacy scale.
His response to what he wasn’t doing:
“Well, I know she would say I don’t have intimate conversation with her.”
To what he wasn’t doing.
“Making efforts to connect with her throughout the day!”
I asked what kept him from making efforts to connect with her throughout the day?
His response.
“I just don’t think it’s necessary.”
My reply.
“BINGO! Where did you learn that?”
He paused as if he had no clue.
I waited.
Finally, as if he had to choke it out, he said timidly: “Well, my dad always said that if you give time to your wife to talk and share, she will talk all night.”
“There it is!” I proclaimed.
“And let me guess … because you deprive her of that, I bet there have been moments when she finally had an opportunity to be heard. And you did talk into the night.”
He nodded vigorously.
“Let me guess … Then you thought: ‘Dad was right!’ And locked down intimate conversation even further.”
He reacted as if I had hit him with a baseball bat in the gut.
But I wasn’t finished.
“All that … Instead of considering that she was so starved for the connection that you had withheld from her that she just couldn’t stop!”
Sheepishly, he confessed: “I get this stuff about limiting beliefs now. WOW! They are installed and we assume they’re good, or okay, when they’re total BS!”
We got to that one quickly.
I asked then (continuing the exercise above): “What are you doing that is keeping you from the intimacy you desire?”
Once again, he referred to what his wife would say: “My continual agitation, moans, deep sighs, comments of disdain about anything or everything. My negativity.”
I asked: “What thoughts or beliefs keep you from addressing that?”
Again, he looked blank at first. Then he ducked his head with his response, as if in self-protective mode. “I work hard, I am tired. I guess I think I have a right to just be me. And vent all the time.”
“Ahhhh!” I responded. “The ‘I have a right …’ thing.”
He looked up with curiosity, while still in self-protective mode.
“It’s okay to claim your ‘rights’ … but do you really think that exercising rights that keep your wife at a distance is a ‘turn on’ or ‘turn off’?” I asked.
Remember this little proverb for thought …
Does it have to be said/moaned about?
Does it have to be said right now?
Does it have to be said by me?
He admitted that he knew when it came out of his mouth it was a problem.
Then added: “I guess the limiting belief is that I’m so awesome that I can spew negativity and somehow when the lights go off she’ll be attracted like a magnet?”
We both got a good laugh.
There was much more but hope you can see how walking through those questions opens the door to discover limiting beliefs.
Will you take the time to access yours by using that process?
We identified five areas of his life where he was not satisfied, and his homework was to come up with 3 limiting beliefs for each of those 5 areas.
I hope you will do the same before next week.
Your dedication to an extraordinary life is on the line. I hope you will be ready next week.
You deserve that extraordinary life … free of the limiting beliefs that are holding you back!
3. How do I get started doing something different?
That was the question my client asked next.
I had two responses for him (and two for you!)
- Identify the areas of your life in which you are dissatisfied and use the exercise in point #2 to come up with 3 – 4 limiting beliefs in each of those areas.
- Commit to believing it will make a difference and commit to the process. (Coming over the next few weeks).
When I was in Fiji working through my limiting beliefs with Tony Robbins, he said something that was so life changing to me:
I am dedicated to helping you make real and lasting change toward an extraordinary life!
Will you join me?
***********
I’ve been writing, teaching, and coaching these concepts for years.
I thought everyone would be just as eager as I was/am to jump in and do the work.
Sadly, there are only a few.
Recently, I was speaking to a colleague and I asked him what he would most like to do with his Coaching?
He shared that he had a deep desire to work with people who were READY to do the work. Those who had made a great life a MUST! And those who were willing to do whatever it takes.
We agreed that those in that space are on the “road less traveled.”
(A word from my friend in AA… First things first! As we all begin, we KNOW that sobriety is the first thing. The starting blocks for all. Why? Because in our lives inside our brains are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and if you continue to abuse alcohol you’re dealing with the struggle of two personalities. You never know which one will dominate. And if you continue with that insanity you’ll never truly deal with yourself!)
Havard Business Review published an article about why so many resist doing the work to create the life they long for:
- Loss of control
- Uncertainty
- Don’t like surprises
- Being creatures of habit
- Loss of face
- Competency concerns
- Work required
- Concern about ripple effects
- Past resentments
- Change can hurt
If you see yourself in any of those … I hope you’ll address them so that you can jump on this train.
Because this train is bound for an extraordinarily abundant life.
Rich is relationships, health, energy, finances, and purpose!
ALL ABOARD!
