“I really love my power word…INTENTIONAL,” my client shared as he arrived at his next session with excitement!
“I sure hope we can build on that!”
I loved his enthusiasm.
“I’m sure we can,” I said with assurance!
So, I suggested, “Let’s turn our focus to dreaming big dreams next, but setting small goals in motion.”
(Don’t let past missteps and forgotten goals keep you from new starts. That’s one thing that’s never too late to do … start over.)
I wasn’t sure what the expression I was reading on my client’s face meant.
It looked like a mix of confusion and resistance.
I waited.
“I really hate goal setting,” he stated and paused.
Then he added: “I guess hate is a pretty strong word … let’s just say I STRONGLY dislike it … and dreaming just isn’t an option.”
With a supportive smile, I assured him we could work through those issues.
He’s not unusual.
Many people ‘strongly dislike’ dreaming and/or goal setting.
(If that’s you, turn goal and dream words into ‘small changes’ you’ve always desired to make. List them. Don’t be lazy. Start now…yes like right now get pen get paper and list one. Start today get a head start on next year!)
Research indicates there are 5 reasons people resist (or dislike) goal setting:
- Fear of judgement
- Fear of discontent
- Fear of the unknown
- Fear of failure
- Fear of success
With my client, we worked through the fear of failure and the fear of success.
Research reveals reasons why people fear or dislike dreaming:
- Creates stress
- Requires more from them than they’re willing (or believe they’re able) to give
- Inability to focus or follow through
- Anger about things in the past
- Unresolved grief or trauma
With my client, we worked through some unresolved trauma (from his divorce years ago).
I hope you’ll identify your resistance and address those things.
Do not allow any of these things to steal your destiny!
(Overwhelm happens to all of us when we look at the whole. But the first step always leads to the next one and the next one always leads to the next one and the next one and the next one etc. And that’s all you’ll ever need to succeed!)
“Cherish your visions and your dreams, as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints for your ultimate achievements.” Napoleon Hill
1. Dream big dreams.
“I stopped dreaming big dreams after my divorce,” my client commented.
I knew it was an important moment, so I waited.
“When I met my new wife of over 20 years now…she wanted to dream with me.”
I saw what looked like a mixture of sadness, anger, and fear on his face.
“I wanted nothing to do with it.”
He turned his face away to look out the window.
I wondered if it was to hide the tears about to escape his eyes.
He woefully continued: “It’s too late now. I ridiculed and verbally stomped the dreams, the hopes, the life, and the joy right out of her.”
When he turned his face back toward me, his face was wet with tears.
As if pleading his case, he defended, “I never meant to do that. I just knew that I had spent my whole life literally laboring to make dreams come true. All to no apparent avail. And I have/had no reason to believe that would ever change.”
I nodded with understanding.
I asked softly, “And … what makes you believe it’s too late?”
After a long, reflective pause he said, “Because when I went home…a little excited about my power word from last week…she seemed totally disinterested.”
Even more softly, and with more compassion, I asked, “Kind of like you were with her dreams and her hopes in the beginning?”
The nod, along with the tears hitting his pant leg, confirmed the truth.
I continued, “I’d love to think, and believe, that you could call back to life the very thing that you stomped out in her.”
With innocent curiosity he asked, “And how would I do that?”
“Perhaps by inviting her to dream again … with you leading the way,” I suggested.
He responded with sadness, “I don’t even know where I would start with that.”
With a warm smile, I suggested, “Why don’t we start with dreaming that you could dream again with such passion that it would resurrect her dreams?”
(Fear has strange powers. When we don’t know … instead of saying we don’t … that we act like we do know. Because it’s really just fear blocking us. Here’s a clue…it’s ok to embrace the uncomfortable, to champion someone else. For over time those healthy uneasy emotions will become a part of who we are. And by the way, it really is OK to change.)
I think my client couldn’t decide whether to laugh, sob, or ignore me.
Finally, the tears and the laughter collided as he conceded: “Well, I hope you have some jumper cables to get me started!”
It’s just one of many stories that I’ve experienced in my office through the years of why people have put a halt to their dreaming.
Perhaps you’ve never dreamed.
Perhaps you’ve dreamed and been disappointed.
Perhaps you’ve dreamed and had a devastating outcome.
My heart goes out to you … for any, and all those reasons.
But I would like to invite you to dream again.
Big dreams!
Remember every next step is the path to every dream. And every next step is all you need to know to take the next one.
2. Follow the 2 mm principle.
In the next session, I asked my client, “How long has it been since you’ve had a brand new Crayola in your hand?”
He looked at me as if he didn’t even remember what a Crayola was.
But I waited.
Finally, he responded with, “If you mean that I color with my kids or my grandkids? I don’t and I didn’t.”
He stared at the floor then continued: “And yes…I do regret it…that I didn’t!”
I responded: “Actually I meant since you were a kid in school or any time after that?”
I handed him a box of new crayons and asked him to choose his color.
He had no idea what was coming but let me know he already dreaded it.
(I’d like to invite you to find a Crayola … C’mon … Just do it!)
I asked him to hold it in front of him with the tip pointing to himself.
“Did you know that the tip of that crayon is 2 mm?”
He looked at me skeptically.
I continued: “You know that every pilot leaving DFW sets his course with instruments … right?”
He nodded.
“And that 2 mm … just 2 mm … determines whether he goes to LA or Seattle?”
He looked at the tip of the Crayola. … it was sinking in!
I added, “Starting small can make huge differences!”
For each of the dreams that you’ve dreamed…now I want you to set a 2 mm goal.
Two mm that in the first month or first quarter, will make a major difference in moving you toward each of your dreams.
You/me/we don’t scale a mountain … before we start. If we’re always looking up we’ll never see the next step. We must balance looking up with taking the next step.
One of the big dreams my client and his wife had dreamed … (and yes, he had resurrected his wife’s dreaming) … was to buy a beachfront home or condo.
They chose to do monthly goals instead of quarterly 2 mm goals.
Their monthly goal, for month one, was to do some research accompanied by intimate conversation in order to narrow their choices to 3 beach communities.
To give you another example: Another dream he had was to return to his college football weight (with age factored in) and be equally as fit.
His 2 mm goal for month one was to hire a trainer and walk 5000 steps before noon 3 times a week.
Take your big dreams and break down progression towards them into 2 mm goals for the month, or for the first quarter.
Start now…roll into the new year ‘in progress’.
Let’s do this!
3. Build your belief.
“So that’s all there is to it and somehow I’m going to get to my dreams?” my client asked with pure innocence.
I wish that was the case, and that you could get there eventually just doing those two things (dreams and 2 mm goals) but there is a way to make progress on steroids.
With a desperate begging tone in his voice, my client asked somewhat shyly: “Would you be willing to give me the formula?”
For those of you reading along, and following this process, I’d like to ask you to put your Mickey (or Minnie) Mouse ears on … and roll up your sleeves.
Let’s get to work for 10 to 15 minutes daily.
(Remember…what Dr. John Maxwell says, “Anything worthwhile is always an uphill journey.” AND…Jesus said, “Talk to your mountain …
Say to it …
You’re there and I’m on my climb …
And you’re going to move!”)
“Be joyful in hope, patient in misfortune, faithful in prayer and meditation.”
Paul the Apostle
Spend 10 to 15 minutes daily building belief in your dreams.
Faithfully.
DO…10 – 15 UNDISTRACTED minutes.
DO…10 – 15 FOCUSED minutes.
Faithfully!
Our brains are programmed for survival.
Not for thriving but only you/me/we can change that!
Just 10 – 15 of undistracted/focused minutes of belief-building can change all of that!
How can you do that?
- Access and assess your belief about your dreams.
- Eliminate negative thoughts.
- Create and install empowering beliefs.
- Read or watch something inspiring about dreams being fulfilled.
(If you’d like more details on that…look for an ‘email-invite’ to a workshop where we’ll work through these steps together soon!)
Building belief is a turbo charged boost to set your dreams in motion!
“Believe in your dreams, no matter how impossible they seem.”
Walt Disney
*****
“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”
Gail Devers
Isn’t it time?
Time to create the life you long for and deserve?
Isn’t it time to not only achieve this for yourself and your family…
but also, to become the inspiration for others to do the same?
I believe it is!
Let’s do this together!
“Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Dreams/goals/visions/missions are accomplished one step at a time … 24 hours at a time!
“I’ve come that you might have life…and life abundant!” Jesus Christ
Make every day that kind of day…let’s do this!!
