My client moaned: “I’m so tired of the tug of war between my head and my heart! And the war is on stage (with spotlights on it) when it comes to New Year’s Resolutions!”
I was totally with him, nodding, as he added.
“What on earth is WRONG with me?”
BINGO! He hit the jackpot with those words… “What on earth is WRONG with me?”
But it’s the reverse jackpot when it comes to a question like that.
You may ask, as he did: “A question like what?”
I replied: “A primary question like… ‘What on earth is WRONG with me’?”
“What’s a primary question … and what’s a reverse jackpot?” he asked with a very demanding tone.
“A primary question is a question that we ask ourselves unconsciously all day long every day … usually insinuating a negative response. And that creates a reverse jackpot. Instead of WINNING … it empties our resources, our positivity, our hopefulness, our joy, our peace.”
I paused making sure he was tracking with me then continued.
“Actually, it pulls the plug on any and every good thing in us … and FILLS the swamp with negativity, hopelessness, or mediocrity at best!”
He was clearly processing deeply, then muttered.
“That’s the story of my life right there.”
“Well … let’s CHANGE it!”
“But will it work for me? I mean … I’ve tried so much stuff … and nothing seems to work,” he said with a real tone of dismay.
I smiled.
“With that kind of belief system, that kind of primary question, and that kind of expectation … I’m sure you do think nothing will work. But what if it did,” I inquired firmly?”
“Well, I dunno …” his voice drifted off.
I said with a grin this time.
“Well, it sounds to me like you’ve nothing to lose!”
He exploded with laughter as he slapped his knee, and said, “Then give it to me!”
Perhaps you can relate. You’ve set resolutions.
You meant them.
Then it’s the same ole thing.
You can’t seem to make it happen, even when giving it your best shot.
You might even think you’re a failure.
When the truth is … unresolved trauma is more powerful than the best of intentions and the heartiest of desires.
(REMEMBER … living your mind changing intentions out loud to yourself, is the beginning of saying to and replacing those countless negative trauma induced voices with YOUR LIFE-GIVING VOICE!)
Neuroscience has now concluded that 90% of our reactions and decisions to life begin and come from our subconscious minds.
Changing this subconscious internal conversation, and replacing it with a new external conscious conversation, will transform our life from unconsciously motivated to consciously motivated.
WE GET TO CHOOSE!
Here are the 3 things I shared with my client that can make this year different for you too!
Who cares if you get the planning done by midnight on New Year’s Eve?
Let’s just get it done! TOGETHER!
1. Trauma programming puts the light of resolutions OUT!
My client confessed, “I don’t know what it is … but I have to say that the lights just go OUT for me … no matter what I do for New Year’s!”
I explained, “At the moment of trauma, messages are imprinted like audible tattoos on our brains and in our hearts. They become the operating systems of our lives.”
He leaned forward curiously to hear more.
I continued, “We aren’t aware of them, but at that moment, we begin to ‘operate’ from those messages. They’re so powerful … they override EVERYTHING … Well, everything other than God!”
The wonder for life that God intended for us to follow, still plays for ALL of us. It’s waiting for you/me/we to begin to accept it …
Say it …
Think it …
Then apply it.
He nodded, and I could see the wheels turning, trying desperately to put the pieces together.
I let him process for a moment, then asked his permission to share something with him that I remembered from a previous session.
Like a lost little boy, he whishpered quietly, “Please do. Help me understand this.”
I began with a gentle tone.
“I remember when you first came in and I was asking you about your history. You told me that you ‘never had good sense.’ I recall asking you how you knew that?”
He nodded as he remembered.
“I remember you looking out the window as you shared with me about how your dad wrapped some baling wire around your neck and threatened to choke you when he found you and a friend playing when you were supposed to be putting bales of hay in the loft.”
I saw the same reddening in his eyes that I saw the first time he shared it with me.
Softly, I continued.
“It broke my heart when you told me your dad had yelled in your face with ‘demon eyes’ …’You’ll never be anything but a pile of sh*t’!”
He put his head in his hands as silent sobs were evidenced by his heaving shoulders.
“That was tattooed on your mind, and on your heart,” I said with great compassion.
“It’s not the truth, but it’s your operating system … Deeply tattooed in your brain, your psyche, your worldview.”
I sat with him through a few moments of deep emotion.
I repeated.
“It’s not true. It’s not you. It’s not who you are at your core. But those words run your life. It overrides your hopes, your dreams, your desires.”
As if a light had shone into the darkness, he raised his head and asked with profound innocence: “Can I change it? Please tell me we can change it!”
I assured him, “We can indeed!”
What about you?
Do you have tattooed messages running your life in the background?
“There’s NOTHING wrong with you,” I assured him. “But there’s something terribly wrong with that message and that primary question!”
The relief in his eyes and on his face was pouring from him at the cellular level.
I could see it and feel it.
I hope this brings you great relief too.
You’re an amazing human … and you CAN rise above the messages trauma left you as your operating system.
You can and WILL experience abundant life!
2. Inconsistencies with who we believe we are (resolutions vs. identity struggle).
“Another reason unresolved trauma affects us deeply … and make resolutions practically worthless … with little hope of a positive outcome is this …” I explained.
“In the aftermath of trauma, who you desire to be, and who you believe you are in your heart and in your soul, often create internal conflict that keep us in neutral and destined for mediocrity if we’re ‘lucky’.”
My client responded: “So it’s no surprise to you that I start off the year thinking … ‘This is my year … This year will be different’ … and it always turns out the same,” he asked rhetorically?
“It’s like I’m one person going into the New Year … hopeful and kind of determined … then by January 5, I’m back to being the loser version of me that I’ve always been?”
I assured him that the ‘loser’ he felt like was not his identity.
But indeed it was the one imprinted on his heart and mind from that moment of trauma as a 12-year-old boy.
“This year, we will take time to make who you become more important than the goals to get you there,” I shared.
I could see his interest was piqued, and that he at least ‘hoped’ it could be done.
It’s the one piece that most leave out of planning, goals, and strategizing new ventures.
It’s crucial to ask yourself the question in any plans, goals, or strategies … who do I wish to become?
That takes the accomplishment of the climb to the right perspective. And puts the focus on what needs to change to begin and to maintain the climb.
Otherwise, who you have been tattooed to ‘believe’ you are remains your belief. And will override your will to take the next right step.
My client had another “ah-ha” moment.
“So no matter what I try to do … I’m a robot who believes I will never be anything but a pile of sh*t … And I submit to that … Like a robot, although I want to be different.? Oh my gosh … no wonder I keep repeating the same things!”
I shared with him what I learned from Tony Robbins:
“The most powerful force in the human psyche is people’s need for their words and actions to stay consistent with their IDENTITY – how we define ourselves. Identity is this incredible invisible force that controls your whole life. It’s invisible, like gravity is invisible, but it controls your whole life. As we develop new beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the new identity. Have you ever said, ‘I can’t do that! I’m just not like that!’? If you’ve ever used this phrase, you’ve hit the boundary of how you’ve defined yourself in the past, and it’s affecting the quality of your present-day life. Ask yourself, ‘Where did these beliefs about who I am come from, and how old are they?’ Maybe it’s time to update your identity.”
After I read that to him, he commented, “Well, I don’t know when he said that or wrote that … but clearly he was speaking directly to me!”
I chuckled and told him I felt the same way when I heard him speak of our identity at “Date with Destiny” in Fiji.
“That’s when I began looking at setting goals and making plans very differently,” I explained. “New Year’s Resolutions became something very different for me from that point forward!”
“And the results have been almost miraculous at times!” I added.
“I’m ready to do this! To change my identity to something … I don’t even have words to describe what I want to say.”
He trailed off in thought.
I waited, then suggested, “Perhaps you want to become everything you were created to be?”
Then he stated with determination.
“Yes! That’s it!”
What about you?
What unconscious tattoo keeps you from becoming all you were created to be?
Don’t be overwhelmed. Change begins with just one step.
And continuous change happens doing every next right step for every 24 hours.
That’s it. That’s ALL we need to face and do and be.
BUT…
You must determine to examine your old tattoo’s that have become your operating systems.
And to CHOOSE who YOU desire to become … 24 hours at a time!
3. Disempowering beliefs that overwrite everything else.
At the same time that trauma imprints on our brains and our hearts who we are, it also deludes what we believe we’re capable of or … NOT!
It sets hurdles and limits before us that keep us ‘stuck’.
We ALL know it’s in our heads!
It comes calling every New year!
“Stuck!” my client said with disgust. “I actually HATE that feeling. It’s the most powerless feeling ever. And it follows me everywhere I go!”
Then he complained with frustration, “But I don’t know what those imprints are!”
“Most of us are not aware of them,” I shared. “But they are there.”
Then I suggested, “Would you ;et me ask you a few questions, and let’s see what comes out?”
He nodded eagerly.
I’d like for you too, to ask yourself similar questions and see if you can determine yours.
Question.
“In that moment of trauma with your dad wrapping baling wire around your neck, what was going through your mind?”
His response.
“This may be the end of me, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to save myself.”
Question.
“When you face challenges in your marriage … we all have them … what do you say to yourself about you?”
His response.
“Well, first of all, I blame her. I can’t stand failure. Then later, I tell myself that I’m just no good as a husband.”
Questions.
“When you face challenges in your business … what do you say to yourself about you?”
His response.
“I’m in over my head, and I knew this would happen.”
I asked him if I could guess what was tattooed on his mind and heart as his operating system running his life based on his responses.
“Please do, I’ve got to get unstuck!” he said!.
“My guess is that you feel like you cannot do anything to help yourself. That you’re no good. That you’re in over your head. AND … you’re certain that it will not turn out well. That, my friend, would keep ANYONE stuck!”
He confessed with a bit of shame, “You got it! That’s my life right there in a nutshell.”
“Well, let’s design a better operating system. Let’s get in touch with ‘Dr. Tatt-Off’ … (I’m sure you’ve seen those billboards for tattoo removal!?) And then let’s install something new and empowering that will never allow you to be stuck again!”
Before he left that day, he adopted a quick operating system to work from until we did the intense work together.
He chose wisely: “I was created for MORE, and I am UNSTOPPABLE as a husband, dad and businessman!”
What about you?
Choose a power statement to begin programming a new operating system.
Let YOUR TRUTH change YOUR BRAIN!!
Your 2025 WILL BE DIFFERENT as a result!
*****
My theme for this year is “Breakthrough & Thrive in 2025!”
Last week in my Mastermind Coaching group, I was sharing my theme, and asking for feedback to shorten my tag line for my workshop:
“Healing Trauma Blocks That Prevent You from Designing & Believing for Your Most Extraordinary Year Ever!”
After some great feedback, we decided to keep the long subtitle.
Why?
Because I didn’t want anyone who has experienced trauma (research says that’s 90% of adults) to think it was just another New Year’s Resolutions workshop.
I know what it’s like to be STUCK.
-I know what it’s like to live like a robot.
-Dancing to the beat of someone else’s drummer.
-A drum line beat that would drive anyone crazy.
Since I broke through mine, and adopted a very different life … an extraordinary one …
Since I broke through mine, and started becoming who I longed to be … all I was created to be …
Since I broke through mine, and embraced empowering beliefs … with God all things are possible …
I want everyone I know (and don’t know) to have the same breakthrough!
That’s why I am sharing this with you this week.
It’s YOUR YEAR to THRIVE!
If you’d like to attend my workshop in January 2025, get more info by clicking here:
