“Back in early December, my daughter told me that all she wanted from me for Christmas this year was for me to attend your ‘Designing an Extraordinary Year’ Workshop. I only did it for her, but something started churning in me as I watched the recordings!” my client said.
I nodded with interest and curiosity.
He broke his gaze long enough to continue, but timidly.
“I kinda wished I had attended live once I started watching, because I had so many questions …”
I smiled, because I hear that often.
Then I responded, “Well, it’s not too late … you have me here now and I’d love to answer your questions!”
He hesitated but chimed in.
“I guess I don’t know where to start. I’m not one to think about the kinds of things you talk about. Like … who I want to become? Now THAT really was a foreign concept.”
He gathered his thoughts and continued.
“I guess I’ve always thought if you make good choices, spend time with good people, and go to church some … you’ll be alright.”
I validated with this: “Well, there’s some truth to that … UNLESS you have unfortunate events, hurtful events, or especially traumatic events that implant deep messages that override good choices, good company, and even going to church sometimes.”
He immediately put his hand out like a stop sign, then retorted: “I don’t know anything about any of that.”
He then trailed off into thought.
I waited.
He finally looked up, and said, “Well, just in case I might have any of that … I just need to know if there are some things that I could desire to become that might help me ‘get over’ anything like that!”
I knew that he knew, or at least had some idea, that he’d experienced something like that by both his response to the suggestion, and the last comment.
“That’s an interesting question, and one I recently answered on a broadcast to an audience in Canada,” I stated. “I’d love to share with you what I shared with them. I think it might be helpful.”
He nodded eagerly.
So, I continued: “The question I was asked in that setting was this … ‘Are there some foundational things that we should all aspire to, that would lead us closer to all we were created to be’?”
He leaned forward with curiosity and interest and commented, “I think that’s what I’m asking for.”
As I shared in the broadcast, I believe there are some things that can…
-Override any trauma programming…
-Any programming from past hurts/disappointments…
-Any events that have caused us shame or pain.
My client found them very helpful, and I hope you will too!
Because even if you don’t know what programming may have become a block in your life, these are things that will override that ‘less than ideal’ programming!
It’s not a surprise that we all know we live in our brains, our heads.
Why?
Because we just don’t see the doors we had to create and hide behind, just to cope.
Now normal for us becomes … shutting ourselves in any time life challenges those safe, yet unproductive patterns in our brains.
And we remain locked behind the doors of those coping techniques and attitudes, which are nothing more than substitute thinking patterns.
Those thinking patterns are what we must change to regain/discover/find the beliefs we were meant to do life with!
I’ll help you find the keys to unlock those looping-fabricated-survival style thinking doors!
And behind them are these keys … will propel you onward to ALL you were created to be!
1. Be present. Very present.
My client confessed, “I’m not even sure I know what that means.”
“It’s usually easier to think about what it isn’t,” I said with a grin and suggested …”
“You’re NOT present when you’re thinking about the football game and wondering what the score is.”
He rolled his eyes and slapped his hand on his heart as if he’d been caught.
I continued: “You’re NOT present when you’re on your cell phone, or social media, or looking at any screen.”
“Ouch!” was his only response.
“You’re NOT present when you’re worried about what you have to get done at the office tomorrow,” I said.
“I got it! I got it,” he moaned!
Then in a demanding voices asked: “Did my daughter give you those examples?”
I just smiled.
“So now I know what my daughter means when she says to me, ‘Dad, you’re just never here with us’!”
I surmised, “Yes, I would imagine that she’s saying to you in her own way: ‘Dad, PLEASE be present with us’!”
With innocence, he asked, “How on earth can you be present?”
I understood his dilemma.
We LIVE in an environment where people are rarely present in the moment.
Right here.
Right now.
Sensitive.
Connected.
Focused.
We are distracted by cell phones, by screens, by worry, by hijacked thoughts.
AND … Short bursts of tailored data acquired from our many Google searches … all designed to hijack our senses.
It’s why there’s such an epidemic of loneliness in our culture. We feast on our data, but it’s always followed by too many dopamine crashes.
As I shared on the broadcast, “Just go into any restaurant or coffee shop. Look around. Almost everyone has a cell phone in their hands … and rarely do they look up. Much less converse with the person across from them.”
“Guilty!” he confessed.
I shared with him that I think Denis Waitley said it best:
“Don’t assume that money, shelter and creature comforts are enough to demonstrate your love. Nothing can replace your presence, your hug, your smile, your touch – you!”
I continued: “Not only does being present show your love … but being present brings any old messaging, anything beneath the surface running your life (even though it’s usually out of your awareness) … Your presence brings all of that to a DEAD STOP … it’s a double blessing!”
“A double blessing,” he asked?
“Yes, it shows your daughter your real love for her … AND … it shuts down any old programming that would keep you distant or distracted,” I explained!
“So how do I do that?” he asked.
I gave him a few tips that I’d like to share with you:
- Leave your cell phone in your pocket or in your car.
- Make eye contact.
- Pay close attention to the words, expressions, and tones of others.
- Breathe.
- Focus on the moment.
“I think I can do that. And you know what? It’s something I really admire and respect about my business partner. I truly do desire to become present,” he shared with vulnerability.
Then, I didn’t expect what he added.
“That’s all I ever wanted from my dad. To be present. To see me. To hear me. To care about me.”
His voice broke a bit, so he paused to gather himself.
“I will be present. For my daughter, for my grandkids, for my clients. That’s admirable.”
I was moved by his response.
We all get into our patterns of thinking-being-doing-getting and never realize … we need to take a pause!
Why?
Because the best way to be present is to focus on someone else’s thinking-being-doing-getting.
AND … that’s also the best way to take a break from ourselves. AND it rewires our thinking into patterns of being present.
What about you? Can you see the power of being present?
-Set your sights on becoming present…
-Not looking back to the past…
-Not looking forward to the future…
-Not making it about you … but about them.
Present in the present moment.
“If you must look back, do so forgivingly. If you must look forward, do so prayerfully. However, the wisest thing you can do is to be present in the present. Gratefully.” – Maya Angelou
2. Be grateful. And share your gratitude.
I shared with my client as I shared on the broadcast that just 3 minutes of gratitude aligns our heart rate and our brain waves.
When they’re in sync, it’s impossible to be frustrated, stressed, anxious, sad, or ashamed.
He was amazed as I shared the research.
“Such a simple thing with such great impact.”
I nodded in ageement. Then added, “But now we have further research that adds even more power to gratitude.”
I want you to take this in … just as my client did.
All of those things occur when we just practice gratitude internally … but the results are exponential when we SHARE our gratitude.
Whether verbally, via text or email, or on the phone.
All of the above results occur, but in addition, research indicates that these benefits are also added:
- Sleep quality improves significantly
- Stress hormones are regulated and diminished
- Pain levels are reduced
- Anxiety and depression are relieved
- Toxic emotions are washed away
My client commented, “I had no idea of any of that. I’d like to say I’m a grateful man, but I think my battle with being a perfectionist is in continuous war with that. It’s like there’s always something more than can be done to make it better … leaving little, if any room, for gratitude.”
I understood, and commented, “That perfectionism is the enemy of progress and gratitude!”
He looked a bit surprised.
Then mentioned, “I guess it’s why my daughter always said to me: ‘Dad, no matter what I do … it’s never enough’! That’s pretty sad, isn’t it?”
I asked softly, “I’m sure you’re proud of her, aren’t you?”
He was clearly processing, so I made a guess.
“What about your dad … did he express gratitude to you or for you?”
His quivering lip told me I’d correctly guessed what he was processing.
Then he said with clear regret, “No, he didn’t … and I’ve done the same to my daughter.”
He almost whispered: “Gratitude! It’s something I need. It’s something my family needs. It’s who I want to be.”
I smiled and added.
“I’m very pleased to see you taking all of this in. Again, it’s a core piece that overrides any old programming, and will lead you to your best self and your best life.”
He added, “By now, I know you know that some of that old ‘stuff’ has affected me more than I would’ve ever believed possible.”
I nodded in validation.
The wonder of how we were created and how we evolve never ceases to amaze me!
Hearing gratitude, saying gratitude, being gratitude costs nothing and the neuroscience data is in … it changes-everything!
I hope that you, too, will invest in yourself by practicing and expressing gratitude.
3. Be positive. In your choices, your words, your expressions, your body language.
My client looked at me inquisitively when I told him the third core piece I would love for him to consider becoming.
“I know,” I responded. “It’s a bit of a challenge for many to interpret what that means. So, I’ll start with the short version: ZERO NEGATIVITY!”
He nodded woefully.
“We live in a culture that is bathed in negativity,” I assured him.
(Drama and negativity are soulmates and drama sells! That’s why we’re drowning in negativity!)
I continued sharing some of the ways we see and experience it daily.
- Fear-based news on radio, TV, and online grip us. News stations spend hundreds of thousands of dollars (some say millions) on research that makes them experts at doing so. Why? Because we can’t step away … and it keeps us tuned in during the ads that keep the stations alive.
- Drama on social media. Of course, we want to click on the reports that John Dutton was leaving Yellowstone 3 years before he left. We want to “inside scoop.”
- Sportscasters talk over one another, speaking of who made the most mistakes and cost the team the game. Debates outburst … and we stay tuned to see who wins.
- Movies, Netflix series, and other outlets are the greatest hypnotic devices known to man. Exposing us to violence, harsh treatment of other humans, destruction of lives …
- Our brains which were built for survival … and the more trauma and disappointments, the greater the search for the negative.
Put all of those together, and it’s no wonder that there’s so much negativity, and so little positivity and inspiration in our world.
My client shook his head as he confessed, “That’s me. All of it. Garbage in, garbage out. Negative in, negative out. And I know this stuff! Yet it’s me to a tee!”
I added: “Research has shown that the more negativity we’re exposed to, the more likely we are to:
- Struggle with depression and anxiety
- Focus on the worst possible outcomes (as opposed to the best)
- Sigh, moan, make negative muttering comments
- Expect the worst to happen
- Practice self-sabotage
- Experience ADHD symptoms (brain spinning)
- Overthink everything, keeping ourselves frozen
- Act arrogant to cover up our feelings of inadequacy
- Damage important relationships
- Get stuck on negative self-talk
- Use substances to calm ourselves”
“And that’s no way to live! It’s a self-fulfilling, self-fueling spiral deeper and deeper into negativity.”
My client nodded in agreement.
I continued: “It not only damages us, but it also damages the people around us.”
He looked a bit puzzled, so I explained.
“It’s like the risk of cancer from second-hand smoke being almost as high as the risk is to the actual smoker.”
I could see by his expression that he was experiencing some regret and remorse, and he commented, “I hope you can help me turn this around. I want to be a positive person, yet I feast on the negative.”
I then proclaimed, “You CAN! And I believe you will.”
“So, less news, less drama … what else,” he ask with sincerity?
“Speak positive things,” I said! “About others … to others … about yourself … to yourself. It’s that simple and that complex.”
I paused to make my point and then went on.
“There’s an ancient proverb that says it best…
Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.”
I explained further.
“But it’s not limited to our words.
Our facial expressions are positive or negative.
Our body language is positive or negative.
Our choices are positive or negative.
It takes time, attention, and focus to choose positive.”
Then I said and asked rhetorically, “Choosing to lift up, inspire and encourage is positive. Choosing to snarl, criticize, speak harshly … is negative. But I believe you are ready to be an inspirer, and uplifter, an encourager?”
He simply responded, “It’s time … past time!”
With a kind and respectful smile, he committed, “This is exactly what I needed. I commit to watching the video series again … and really doing all of the work.”
I smiled, and told him what I’d like to say to you as well …
“This is not just for you. It’s for those you love, those you influence, those who are part of your circle. And it’s contagious!”
*****
Be present.
Be grateful.
Be positive.
Be the OPPOSITE of what doesn’t and hasn’t been working … that difficult and that simple. AND … not only is it … free! It is also … freeing!
Not only will you become more of who you were created to be …
You’ll also override any hurdles or obstacles that are running your life, that are outside of your awareness.
It’s as someone has said, “Living from a place of ‘consciously’ and not living from your unknown ‘unconsciously’.”
I hope you will join me in becoming more of all these things.
Present.
Grateful.
Positive.
Changes have a way of gaining their own momentum that will make a major difference that creates even more momentum for change!
PS – If you’re curious about the course he mentioned, I’m doing it again in mid-January. COME JOIN US!!
Click here for more info: https://bit.ly/BreakthroughAndThriveIn2025
