“It’s been a rough road for us, so we decided to call it quits after over 20 years of marriage. But since we’ve been apart, we both have come to realize how much better our lives are together. Now, what do we do?”
My client was truly distressed. And although I totally understood the distress, I had great hope for her, for him, for them.
This was about 5 years ago that we’d worked together, but they came to visit me recently to talk about a challenge with one of their adult children.
Their story reminded me of all we know about Champions who realize they’re better together. Champions know it’s not “together”, not love, till you choose to be it, say it, do it, walk it, talk it-until it moves from an aspiration into a way of being. Until…it’s your every moment gut check.
Although this blog is directed to couples and marriages, the same things, hold true for deep friendships and connections.
It reminds me of a great song by Luke Combs:
Some things just go better together
And probably always will
Like a cup of coffee and a sunrise
Sunday drives and time to kill
What’s the point of this old guitar
If it ain’t got no strings
Or pouring your heart into a song
That you ain’t gonna sing?
It’s a match made up in heaven
Like good ole boys and beer
And me, as long as you’re right here
Research has shown us so many incredible benefits of being “together”:
Things such as:
- Lower blood pressure
- Reduced anxiety
- Improved immunity
- Less pain
- Longer life
- Increased dopamine
- Lowered rates of substance abuse
- Reduced depression
- Increased lung health
- Reduced stress
- Greater quality of life
- And the list continues …
When I work with couples, we always take a look at how we are better together. I wanted to share that with you this week!
I know without any doubt, I am a “better together” kind of person!
1. Together we multiply effectiveness.
When my client had come to me, she said, “It’s not like I have to do double to accomplish what we accomplished together, it’s like I had to do…hundreds of times more.”
I smiled as I remembered a songwriter in ancient scripture stated…1 can put a 1,000 to flight, but 2 can put 10,000 to flight.
Of course, they were more effective … together!
It’s why all Champions seek to work together with their spouses as often as possible. Whether planting flowers, strategizing finances, or planning… together is far more effective and I might add – a lot more thorough.
(Just for fun… but not really…think of how many fender benders or worse you’ve/we’ve avoided because someone riding shotgun said, “Look out!”)
I remember asking her, “What do you feel like you have to work 1,000 times harder on without him?”
She chuckled and said, “Yardwork! We could start on Saturday morning, have a manicured lawn, and be showered and at La Madeleine for brunch by 11:30 AM. By myself, it takes me all day Saturday…and part of Sunday!”
I remember, laughing and saying to her, “Sounds like that alone is a reason to pull it back together for another try!?”
Although that was one of the small reasons that they came back together to learn to be healing partners, and move forward in a peaceful, joyful, fulfilled marriage…a lot of the reasoning, was based on them being more effective together on a variety of things.
What about you? Have you realized how you can be so much more effective-together? If you have, celebrate that!
AND… ease up, slow down! Allow your commitment to ‘togetherness’s unity’ of heart and mind become the soul antenna, that’ll guide you to every affirmation of every ‘aha’ breakthrough…open door…sure path…(what else do the motivators call these) oh yes…next right step thinking…. (OR coming from the one riding shotgun towards destiny)…look out!
There’s (the Bible says) 10,000 times more power when someone you love, someone you trust…has your/my/our back…riding shotgun…as your wing-man!
If you haven’t…tried ‘team us’ lifestyle-thinking … I guarantee — you’ll love the ‘detailed-effectiveness’ that doing life in ‘together’ mode brings. Because when the other 100% of our every effort, joins the 100% of our partner’s effort for our future…go ahead… You pick what the number could/might/will be… You pick a timeline of how fast it happens… You pick how much more is possible.
As someone so poignantly said, “It takes a team to make a dream.”
2. Together, we accelerate momentum exponentially.
I love something that I recently read:
“A person hopping on one leg cannot get very far, very fast. But two legs joined together, become the action of running…Making you faster and taking you farther the wings don’t nearly create balance, they enable the other to fly.”
Momentum is something that we use a certain amount of energy to begin, but we strategize in a manner so that it takes on an energy of its own to create maximum, ever growing results. Many people call it the snowball effect.
I often refer to it as the magic in relationships. When we can get on the same page, and harmonize our energy, momentum is inevitable. Whether it be in improved communication, in paying off debt, or in starting a business. Together, we have greater momentum.
Dr. John Maxwell says:
“If you want to kill momentum, then insist on doing things by yourself. Momentum grows through team victories.”
My couple had been starting a business when they decided to call it quits. Weeks later, when he came in with her, he said, “I’m working the same hours every day on the business (a service company for in-home businesses), but the momentum has dwindled to less than 10%.”
I knew he wasn’t finished so I waited. He continued.
“Although she doesn’t understand anything about the technologies and services we’re offering, she knows so much about people and has a heart for them to succeed in their home-based businesses. I had no idea the value she was bringing. Momentum has dropped to a struggling crawl at best.”
I remember her tearing up, and I understood. Because in our sessions she’d shared about their new business, but felt she was offering nothing.
The truth is her very presence added the factor to the momentum that was causing the business to fly. And by the way, their business is now almost a seven-figure ‘team-driven-entity’!
Do you need momentum in some area of your life? Whether it’s a workout partner to help you on your health regimen, your spouse to help you with a business, or working on strategies to raise amazing children…momentum multiplies exponentially in working together!
How can you embrace the power of momentum like a Champion today?
3. Together-ness causes alignment in our brains and our hearts.
A very wise man said to me recently: “You know, in relationship is where our heads align with our hearts that always cause great things to flow from that inner alignment and agreement.”
It’s true that when we’re joining our hearts (our passion, our care, our connection) and our brains (strategic plans, great ideas, shared values) that extraordinary things pour forth.
Champions know that together, when our brains and hearts align, that union invites the very best part of ourselves to become our momentum to live in our abundant present.
In a moment this week, I recalled working with this couple when I was attempting to press forward on a project that I’m quite passionate about. I invited several people to come alongside me, to help me re-envision and create my next best steps forward.
I had one colleague lined up, and to my surprise, the most creative genius I know, stepped forward to assist us in the journey.
When the couple had been working with came together to discuss pulling their marriage back together, we made a wonderful plan. And I watched them literally melt in each other’s presence. At the end of the session, he said, “I feel like I got my heart back.”
In a very understanding way, she nodded and said, “And I feel like I got my brain back.”
It was a beautiful reuniting laugh we shared.
What about you? How does being in relationship align your mind and your heart?
Only if you’ll connect deeply, will you feel, know, and live this kind of inner alignment!
On a hillside overlooking the Sea of Galilee thousands gathered. To hear one of Jesus’ most famous talk. The Sermon on the Mount was in essence, God’s first public proclamation and invitation, that we could and should align our hearts with our heads, and our heads with our hearts and form this union within.
In a world dominated by the fear to dream and the certainty of death if you did, Jesus in essence said, you can think what you feel, and feel what you think. Be that uniqueness because… “Blessed are you! Happy are you!” IF…Jesus declares…you express yourself in an authentic way.
In short…Would you rather die with a dream untried or die seeing if you can? You/me/we are so unique in our giftings … that God dedicated this most famous sermon to the celebration of our freedom to express it!
And when you join hands and hearts in “togetherness” … you become unstoppable.
Because we are BETTER TOGETHER!