“Last week was such a high, delivering back all of that carried anger…but I didn’t expect to wake up the next morning feeling empty!?” my client said/ask at check-in.
“I understand totally. It’s surprises almost everyone.”
I continued: “But it’s just a real indicator of how much space it takes up in our body, our mind, our spirit. Actually, research shows that these carried feelings take up residence in our cells, muscles, tendons, and often in major organs.”
“I liked the part about feeling like I had lost about a thousand pounds, but the emptiness left me a little off kilter,” he commented.
There are 3 parts to resolving carried anger that fuels your BLEEP (better, known as anger, frustration, annoyance, short-temperedness, and other similar conditions).
Below are the 3 parts of this process, and the links (in case you missed the first two).
- Part I:
BE VULNERABLE ENOUGH TO EXAMINE YOUR CARRIED ANGER. DO A THOROUGH INVENTORY. IDENTIFY WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. OWN IT. HOW IT’S IMPACTED OTHERS YOU LOVE. (To read this step, click here: https://bit.ly/DrainCarriedAngerPart1)
- Part II:
MAKE A DECISION TO GIVE IT BACK, THEN DELIVER IT BACK … C.O.D. AND MAKE SOME POWERFUL NEW DECISIONS. (To read this step, click here: https://bit.ly/DrainCarriedAngerPart2)
- Part III:
FILL EVERY CELL IN YOUR BODY WITH GRACE, LOVE, AND THE GOOD THINGS OF YOUR CHOICE.
I informed my client: “Your sense of emptiness is the reason for part III. Although it might be more enjoyable than part one or part two; it’s equally as crucial in draining the tank of carried anger.”
Hopefully you have followed all three parts, my friend.
You have no idea what an incredible difference it will make in your life. A difference you so deserve to experience. And that those who love you deserve to experience.
Let’s jump in to part three! Which is the icing on top of the delicious chocolate cake, the cherry on top of the yummy hot fudge sundae! AND…the element that brings abundance to (or back into) your life.
1. Identify those things that have been missing in your life … what you’ve missed out on.
“Oh, my God! I’ve missed out on so many things?! Fun, love, peace of mind, enjoying my family, the ability to take risks (because something might go wrong), missed opportunities. Really. Just…enjoying the fact that I’m alive,” my client said!
When we carry anger, that wasn’t ever ours, but came from:
- A parent or significant caregiver who was out of control with their anger.
- A parent or significant caregiver who was in denial of their anger.
- A home environment saturated in anger.
It creates toxicity in our brains. Literally!
Our brains are flooded with cortisol, catecholamines, and other neurochemical transmitters that literally keep us from enjoying life, thinking clearly, and living energetically.
My client immediately responded: “That makes so much sense. I guess it’s a lot like pouring ammonia into a glass of sweet tea…then expecting to enjoy it!”
Great analogy for sure!
He continued: “I always wanted to enjoy my life. I mean just enjoy every day. But whether it was feeling surly, annoyed, or just negative…I just couldn’t enjoy day-to-day living … like … WHAT kind of life is that?!”
I nodded with great empathy and compassion because I see that on a daily basis in my office. It’s why I’m so passionate about the work I do. Because no one deserves to live in misery.
“I remember when I was a boy, I would sometimes go to my friends’ homes. One of my friend’s dads had a farm. I remember him just leaning on a stall filled with hay in the barn and watching my friend and I climb around in the loft. Even as a kid, I wondered why I couldn’t enjoy life like that. I had no idea the anger that permeated my home had anything to do with it,” he lamented.
I shared with him: “I believe we were all born and created to enjoy an abundant life. But carried anger certainly puts a stopper in that flow.”
My client said, “I haven’t missed it through the weeks when you’ve thrown out those words ‘abundant life’. To be honest with you, I thought that was just some kind of happy unicorns and rainbow talk!”
I laughed out loud and told him: “Those were much more elegant words, than the words my dad used to describe things like that. He called it ‘happy horse sh*t’!”
We both got a good laugh.
Whether you would call it happy unicorns and rainbows stuff or whether you actually believe you can find it, I promise you that it’s available to you.
List the things that your carried anger has cost you or caused you to miss out on in life, and let’s get it installed to begin your abundant life!
2. Envision the skies opening and pouring these things into you.
I informed my client: “You can’t just think about these things and expect to have it promote you to an abundant life! Any more than you can expect to win the lottery if you don’t buy a lottery ticket.”
(As I informed him, I’m not suggesting that you go gamble. I am suggesting that you must do something first if you expect a win. And this step is about the DOING something!)
I asked my client to go to my white board. If you have followed his story over the past 6 weeks, you’ll remember that he had been there before.
Without instruction, he stepped up to the board and grabbed some colored markers from the basket. He knew he was about to do something significant but wasn’t exactly sure what it would be.
Interestingly, he had grabbed four markers. Blue, green, yellow, and black.
I asked him to forget whether or not he had any artistic ability and to just begin to draw something that represented the skies opening up and pouring out on him.
Quickly, he colored the bottom of the board in green. He colored a blue sky, then used the eraser to create white clouds. Followed by a bright yellow sun in the corner. Then he used the eraser to create a huge white opening in the middle of the sky. Followed by a stick figure with the black marker…with arms outstretched.
“That is amazing!” I commented as he flashed a boyish grin. His wife inserted a “BRAVO!”
Then I asked him to somehow write the words of those things he had missed out on falling from the sky.
- Peace of mind
- Enjoying my family
- Ability to take risks
- Expecting good things
- Just enjoying the fact that I’m alive!
As he wrote the words falling from the sky, something happened in him. He leaned against the board and began to deep breathe. His wife joined him.
- They both stood back and looked at the board in awe.
- It was as if their future was being revealed.
- It was a long moment of “holy” silence.
What can you to do (symbolically) to embrace all the things you’ve missed out on?
Without instruction, both my client and his wife took a photo of the board, making it their screen saver.
You really can have these things. But doing something you can see sets your brain activating and continuing the flow of these wonderful things.
You so deserve that!
3. Be grateful and pass it on.
As my client and his wife were expressing gratitude for the whole process I said, “You’re done with me. But not done with the process.”
They both looked at me with curiosity.
I continued: “You’ve dumped the carried anger that’s fueled your BLEEP!
You’ve identified what you’ve missed out on.
You’ve visualized the heavens pouring those things out on you.”
They were both beaming.
“But … There’s one guaranteed way to keep it pouring out and growing exponentially.”
They both leaned forward as if eager to hear the “magic formula.”
- Passing it on!”
They both nodded as he said, “I am grateful. SO SO GRATEFUL!”
“Me too!” his wife chimed in.
I prescribed: “Take a moment every day to speak your gratitude aloud. For this. For the new things pouring out on you. For your marriage. For your kids. For your family! Don’t ever miss a day!”
(From my friend in A.A. recovery, “Two things are a must to learn to do:
- Rid life of that inner anger, angst, and resentment that keeps you reaching for the numbing sauce
- Gratitude and service!
NOTHING will get you out of yourself destruction patterns quicker and clearer than …gratitude and service!)
They looked at one another in total agreement.
I loved seeing them come together in a powerful solidarity!
“Then, when you see others and think they might be carrying anger…share you experience with them!”
He chimed in: “We will be glad to send them to you!”
I smiled and said: “I appreciate that so much. But I would rather you walk them through it. I will be writing your story and the process in a blog series. Use those things if you need to. But it’ll be more meaningful coming from you!”
He reflected: “That’s a big job. A big responsibility. But you know, I would LOVE to do that!”
His wife said that she’d love to do the same.
What about you, my friend?
How will you practice gratitude daily?
And will you look for opportunities to pass it on?
It will ensure that your flow of the great things you’ve missed out on will continue!
And … PASS IT ON!
Carried anger is not just a small thing. It shapes our destinies.
Our day-to-day choices.
Worldviews and lives!
It also takes once beautiful loving relationships and marriages into an early grave.
When you get this handled, you’ll truly find things you’ve missed out on flowing in abundance into your life.
It’s a journey.
Worth the time.
It’s better than success.
As John Maxwell says:
“I formerly viewed success as a place where I would arrive. I defined it as the progressive realization of a predetermined, worthwhile goal. But over time, I realized that the definition falls short of the mark. It leads to ‘destination disease’. The belief that if we just arrive somewhere (e.g., attain a position, accomplish a goal, have a relationship with the right person), we’ll be successful.
But many years ago, I came to a different conclusion about success. All the traditional definitions either made success a destination to reach or required some magic formula to obtain. I began to see success as a journey, an ongoing process of growth. And after over nearly 50 years of knowing successful people and studying the subject, this is the definition of success that I now embrace:
Knowing your purpose in life,
Growing to reach your maximum potential, and
Sowing seeds that benefit others.
You can see by this definition why success is a journey rather than a destination. No matter how long you live or what you decide to do in life, you will never exhaust your capacity to grow toward your potential, nor will you run out of opportunities to help others.”
Now that’s powerful!
THAT my friend…is LIVING!